Confessions of a Gym Mama

Life Has Been Okay.

2011-11-15T21:12:00.004-05:00

Our foster dog, Hope, was adopted this weekend. It was bittersweet. The house seems empty and quiet - despite the three kids, 2 adults and Will. Hubs keeps telling me to stop looking at the dogs and cats available for adoption/fostering at the shelter, but it's hard. Fostering is, I'm afraid, rather addicting. Time to nip that in the bud, right?

Besides Hope's adoption, son #1's birthday was last week and son #2's birthday is this week. Little Miss' birthday is in 3 weeks. I am a poster child for poor planning. Three birthdays less than eight weeks before Christmas. Crazy. Between Halloween candy, cake, ice cream, Thanksgiving, more cake, ice cream, and Christmas cookies....weight loss doesn't stand a chance.

The other day we stopped at an open house for a new development that is being built near us and that we've driven by I don't even know how many times. It was fascinating to see the kids' reaction to the homes and made us dream of moving. I'd never move into those particular homes - no yard, townhouses, etc. - but they were beautiful nonetheless. It was fun to dream. Hubs and I used to go to open houses at new communities almost every weekend when we lived in Arizona. There were so many communities springing up that we had years of exploring and visiting. I didn't realize how much I missed doing that until we stopped the other day. Free entertainment and, now that we know the kids love doing it too, something that we will have to do more of - just for fun.

Life has been okay. It really has.

RIP Sweet Snickers

2011-11-05T19:56:00.002-04:00

Snickers, our other kitty, passed away this week. It was exactly 40 days since his brother died that he died, and while very saddened, I am happy that they're back together. They were never apart and Snickers missed Skittles dearly. As with Skittles, we sensed that he was fading and on his last night I sat on my porch rocker with him on my lap, wrapped snugly in a soft blanket, and just rocked softly until 2 in the morning. He died the next afternoon. Sigh.

The loss of 3 longtime pets in 3 months is, for lack of a better word, heartbreaking.

Little Miss has it now in her head that if someone or something stops eating that means they are dying. So, when hubs and I were talking about Hope not being hungry, she quickly became fearful and asked if Hope was dying too. Bleh.

So much change. So much loss this year. I have to say that I cannot wait for 2012. I have truly had enough of 2011.

The Challenge.

2011-10-06T21:09:00.003-04:00

Hubs and I were talking the other night and the topic of weight came up. Well, more accurately, our mutual desire to lose it. He has lost quite a bit in the last few months and has done great. I've hovered within the same ten pounds since mid-December and, really, it's time to get out of them and down to a lighter number.

So, we have a challenge going. The goal is to each lose 20 pounds and while we have the same time frame to lose it, I am slightly concerned that I tend to plateau very quickly. Of course, I also tend to eat chocolate, so that might explain it. HOWEVER, this is a challenge I simply MUST NOT lose!

Know why?

Because if I lose (not happening!), I have to do laundry - wash and fold - for EVERYONE, ALONE for SIX MONTHS! You all know how much I love laundry. Laundry, to me, is like a splinter embedded in my EYE. And there is no WAY I want a splinter embedded in my eye for SIX MONTHS!

So, I have from now until New Years' to lose 20 lbs. That's 12 weeks away....about 2 pounds a week.

Someone please hide the sweets. Quickly!

Intervention, Support, Mid-Terms, and Driving.

2011-10-04T20:53:00.004-04:00

In order to get our oldest the reading help that he needs, we decided to enroll the boys in a virtual charter school this year. It's a public school, funded by the state, and the lessons are online. I am considered the "Home Facilitator" or "Home Dictator" as the boys might say.

It's an interesting switch from being completely responsible for planning and implementing lessons, as now I implement only. And implement I do. The first month was challenging. Getting into the routine of it and finally figuring out what exactly had to be completed and by when was the most challenging.

The oldest now receives the exact same reading specialist support as he did when we were paying for it (the school uses the same curriculum) and his tutor meets with him in-person once a week. For a virtual school, this is, well, virtually unheard of. He has one lesson with her at the office and one lesson online via a chat room where he's got a headset and camera. It's quite a sight I must say.

He also receives Resource support, which, is basically, a resource room teacher who spends at least an hour a week helping him with anything he needs help with. She's been focusing on spelling and writing, because those are two weak areas for him. And if that's not amazing enough in terms of support, he has also qualified for math support. So, starting in a week, he'll be receiving an hour of private math instruction in addition to all of the other support. Crazy amazing!

The best part of all of it was when we checked both boys' mid-term grades today. All A's for both of them. And they've earned it. They've been working hard and have figured out that the more they argue and fuss, the longer it takes to finish school. The longer it takes to finish, the less time they have to go play with their friends. The power of the play incentive.

And what's Little Miss doing during all of this? She's got her own little routine of practicing her letters, writing words that interest her (the new favorite is "star") and copying my phone number down repeatedly. She also plays "library" and has a scanner that she uses to "check the books out" for her imaginary friend and constant companion, Braida. She's my mini-me except that she kicks my butt at Mario Kart every time. Crazy.

And that is a day in the life.

Focus.

2011-09-27T19:37:00.003-04:00

Ah, yes, focus. That elusive word that has been just out of reach for many months now returned today with a vengeance.

I took full advantage of the fact that our awesome babysitter was here during the afternoon and went to Starbucks with laptop in hand. With a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate next to me and my long-lost friend, Focus, I managed to get done a slew of work. So much so, that I am actually, for the first time in I can't remember how long, curled up on the sofa watching tv in my pajamas and fuzzy socks before 8pm. Really. Amazing, huh?

Sometimes when life kicks you in the teeth and people try to add salt to wounds with hurtful words, you somehow manage to survive. Another amazing thing.

Oh, and I read three great things today.....one is that we are all broken in some way. Very true. We all have our scars and nicks and bruises and broken pieces. The other was that we can't fix other people no matter how much we want to. They have to heal. That's hard to remember when so many of us are used to trying to fix things. And the third thing was that you can't let someone who is broken make you more broken. I think we tend to let that happen a lot. We try to fix someone because we genuinely care and somehow we forget to guard ourselves from being more broken. Food for thought.

Overall though, a good day. And I must admit, it's so nice to have had Focus with me today. I've missed it.

A Little Bit.

2011-09-26T17:48:00.003-04:00

Sometimes even the things that we love can hurt us. And so we are left with choices. Choices to stay, to go, to pretend all is okay, to work through things, or to give them wings and wish them happiness, but knowing we can't provide it for one reason or another.

I've had to make a lot of choices this year. Ones I never anticipated making. Ever. And none of them were easy. In fact, I would say all of them hurt to varying degrees and all of them have left scars.

Dreams were dashed, because of choices made by others and hope was rekindled at the same time.

A friend told me to hold on to every moment, because life changes rapidly. It does. Especially when you have different plans or ideas about what will happen than what comes to fruition. Sometimes happiness means just simply accepting what your life is and enjoying THOSE moments instead of looking for more. Because odds are it's the "more" that changes more frequently than anything else and breaks your heart.

Getting grounded again. Breathing on my own. Standing on my own two feet. That's where I'm at. A little bit stronger for sticking up for myself. A little bit.

And We Lose Another One.

2011-09-20T17:07:00.003-04:00

When Dan and I first moved to Arizona, we lived in a ground floor, corner apartment with three windows, a loud truck that parked outside our bedroom window at 6am every morning, and a spring door stopper on the bedroom door. That spring door stopper would become the favorite toy of two cats that we adopted from a shelter a few months after. They'd reach under the door and hit the stopper at 3am so we would wake to hearing "doooing" echoing throughout the room.

Skittles and Snickers. They were part of the "Candy Family" at the shelter and Skittles was, by far, the more outgoing one. Always looking for a snuggle, always looking to play, and always protective of his brother. In fact, we had no intention of getting two cats, but the shelter said they really wanted the two to stay together and we had fallen in love with Skittles instantly.

When Kato, our 130lb. german shep/lab mix, died in July, Skittles never quite recovered. His depression was immediate and he started hiding out in the bathroom, behind the curtain on the window. He rarely went downstairs and stopped eating. We knew he wasn't going to be around for much longer, but when we awoke to find he had passed during the night, it was still crushing.

Two beloved pets gone in a matter of two months. Snickers, I fear, will not last long without his brother. And that is a day I dread.

Miss you, sweet Skittles...

Thank You.

2011-08-14T15:54:00.003-04:00

A special thank you to Anonymous Aunt who emailed me this afternoon with love and encouragement. You are loved and appreciated. =)

And I'm glad you're still reading.

Lyrics. A Refresher.

2011-08-14T15:40:00.002-04:00

Some lyrics for you today....I've shared the song before....almost a year ago exactly...how ironic.

Get Back Up Again

by TobyMac

You turned away when I looked you in the eye

And hesitated when I asked if you were all right

Seems like you're fighting for your life,

But why, oh why.

Wide awake in the middle of your nightmare

You saw it coming but it hit you out of nowhere

And there's always scars

When you fall that far.

We lose our way, we get back up again

It's never too late to get back up again

One day, you're gonna shine again

You may be knocked down, but you're not out forever

We lose our way, we get back up again

So get up, get up again

You're gonna shine again

You may be knocked down, but not out forever

You rolled out at the dawning of the day,

Heart racing as you made your little getaway

It feels like you've been running all your life,

But why, oh why

So you, pull away from the love that would have been there

And start believing that your situation's unfair

Well there's always scars when you fall that far

We lose our way, we get back up again

It's never too late to get back up again

One day, you're gonna shine again

You may be knocked down, but you're not out forever

We lose our way, we get back up again

So get up, get up again

You're gonna shine again

You may be knocked down, but not out forever

This is love calling, this is love calling

Out to the broken, This is love calling

This is love calling, this is love calling

Out to the broken, This is love calling

This is love calling, this is love calling

I am so broken, this is love calling

We lose our way

We get back up again

It's never too late

You may be knocked down

But you're not out forever

This is love calling, this is love calling

Out to the broken, This is love calling

This is love calling, this is love calling

Out to the broken, This is love calling

This is love calling, this is love calling

Out to the broken, this is love calling

Bleh.

2011-08-13T22:01:00.002-04:00

I've lost my way and am not quite sure who I am anymore.

Has it ever happened to you? It's not a good feeling.

I was listening to Shania Twain's new single, "Today Is Your Day" and there's a line in there that goes:

And life's gonna kick you around, and then kick you again when you're down.

Yep, that about sums it up.

I'm really ready to stop being kicked.

Warning: This is NOT going to be a happy post.

2011-07-29T22:51:00.003-04:00

This summer has sucked. Actually, the last three months have sucked. All three of them.

There, I said it. Complete with a cuss word and a semi-disgusted look on my face that you, thankfully, cannot see.

Issues abound and to top it off, this week we had to put Kato, my beloved pony dog, to sleep. If ever there was a constant, true companion, it was that dog. And he was mine. And now he's gone. That's my life lately.

Sunday is the one year anniversary of Frances' death, Dan goes back to work on Monday, and the days of trying to cram 60 hours of work into a quarter of that time are coming back. 2am, I shall soon see you again, my friend.

I know, it's the way I look at things, it's my attitude that determines how sucky life feels. But you know what? At this moment, I'm not feeling it. I'm feeling more into the "crawl-in-bed-and-cry" option. Or the "kick-someone's-fanny" option. Honestly, both look appealing right now.

I'm mad, I'm hurt, I'm lonely, I'm frustrated, I'm freakin' exhausted, I'm overwhelmed, and I'm sad. Don't worry, there's no need to call in the anti-depressant prescription.....just give me a watermelon martini and I'll be fine.

So, how's it feel to have my first blog back from my month long hiatus be a ramble of frustration? It feels honest, a bit scary, and, well, much needed.

Tomorrow I'll play nice and be cheerful for you, but for tonight....it's raw.

Disney, Checking In, and Blogging - The Trifecta of Perfectness

2011-06-21T14:22:00.004-04:00

I got an email today from Disney's Parent Pulse group that I had signed up with some time ago. It's a way for them to get to know about the on-trend things that are happening in the parenting world...I think. Well, today, the survey asked about my blogging habits and if I used a "check-in" service.

As anyone who knows me can attest to, telling random strangers where I am right away is not my favorite thing to do. In fact, if I'm somewhere I'll actually wait until I get home to tweet about it. I have a thing about advertising my home being unoccupied and my whereabouts. Why? Because it's not safe! Hello! Nothing like telling a burglar that he can come rob my house, because I'm at the zoo with the kids.

Then the blogging question. Ah, that's tricky. As most of you know, I blog every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Sometimes two or three times a day and, during certain weeks, four times a day. The tricky part is that it's not here. It's on the blog I run for work. I'm a writing fool, I tell you. And it's sometimes exhausting, but I love it.

Anyway, I digress. On this Disney survey I did a most uncharacteristic thing. I put down the url's of BOTH blogs....this one AND work. Oy! The secret of my secret blogging life is out and I have now let Disney in on the fact that I am a, gasp!, corporate blogger.

Who knows....maybe Disney needs a new corporate blogger themselves? Hello, Disney rep! I would love to blog for you! I'll blog remotely, or if need be, I would sacrifice myself and blog and tweet while at your theme parks! Consider me a living "Flat Stanley"....or nowhere near flat Gym Mama....the choice is yours. And yes, for you, I'll "check-in".

Welcome Wisteria.

2011-04-29T20:31:00.002-04:00

The Wisteria is in bloom. It's always a happy day when I see the first bunches of purple flowers peeking through the green leaves. This year, they are as magnificent as ever.

The vine is old...almost 100 years old, but still, each year it bursts forth with these glorious blooms. No matter how much it gets chopped back by my clipper wielding husband, each spring it comes back to life. In the winter, it looks dried up and as if, surely, there is no way it could bloom again. I see it and think, ah, the poor thing has finally given up.

Yet it proves me wrong year after year.

This winter has been the same for me in a lot of ways. Some of the darkest days when I thought that I would never quite see the sunshine again have given way to the warmth of spring. And although things are not what they were before, beauty and grace can still emerge in different ways.

Check out the flickr pictures to the right to see photos of the Wisteria that I took this morning. Isn't it beautiful?

Unusual Victory.

2011-03-16T20:31:00.002-04:00

As a mom of a child with dyslexia, victories are measured in different ways. It's not so much the victory of spelling the word "like" correctly in his writing or the ability to read a chapter book all by himself, it's a lot deeper. It's his consistent desire to try and his initiative to attempt to read and write that amazes me. That is the real victory.

We had a Psycho-Ed Evaluation done on him in early February. We go back for the results on Friday, and I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous. As a homeschooling mom, the pressure is intense. Not only is there a bias against homeschooling in general, but combine that with a child who is reading way below grade level because his brain processes things differently and you end up being a bundle of nerves. Whatever interventions they suggest, we'll get them. Even if I have to take on a dozen different jobs to fund them, we'll get them.

For tonight, I'm basking in the glow of a simple note he just brought into me (even though he is supposed to be sleeping!). A note that he wrote by himself, of his own initiative, to me.

Victory is truly in the perseverance.

Miserable. Not.

2011-03-12T19:06:00.002-05:00

Despite my recent habit of complaining, I am not miserable. Please read that again. I am not miserable.

Am.

Not.

Miserable.

But I have gotten into a pretty nasty habit of seeing the negative instead of the positive. And I've let that attitude slip into my conversations and discussions. I'm sorry about that. A Negative Nellie is never fun to be around and can sap the energy right out of you. I so don't want to be that or do that.

I have so many blessings in my life that I should be focusing on those. Like telling you how Little Miss was singing Climb Up Sunshine Mountain and replaced the lyrics "turn, turn from sin and doubting" with "turn, turn your little bootie" and insisted that those were indeed the lyrics. I almost drove off the road I was laughing so much.

Or how hubs sat and pet my head until I fell asleep, because I was having such trouble falling asleep.

Or how I found the television and DVD remotes BOTH in the same day. Trust me that this was an extraordinary moment and definitely one to be celebrated.

Not being miserable isn't always about being incredibly happy and having nothing go wrong, it's about being okay with the things that happen and adapting to them. I'm reminded of a willow tree's branches. They are strong and yet they bend and flow. They are consistent and steadfast. And they protect and shield those within their care. Sometimes I feel very much like that.

I may bend and adapt, but I am not miserable.

I promise.

Apparently, Spring Stirs Me Up.

2011-03-01T08:57:00.004-05:00

Oh happy day! The sun is sort of shining, the birds are singing, the snow has disappeared except for a tiny patch under the evergreen tree, and the toddler is throwing a tantrum. Ahh....the sweet sounds of spring are like cacophony to my ears.

I was reading the local paper online today and there was a story about the school board turning down a proposal that a charter school organization had put forth for opening a charter school here in our community. While their proposal may have been shoddy and their plan not thought out, the thing that got me was the school board's assertion that there is no need for one here in our town. Are they kidding?!

Have they been to the schools where most of the parents would be pulling their students from to attend said charter school? Apparently not, or apparently they don't really care about buildings that are severely out of date and equipment that should have been replaced decades ago. The school where my children would be going if we didn't homeschool is not in a very safe area, nor is the building in good shape. For what we pay in school taxes, one would think it would be. And the scary thing is that that school isn't even the worst one in the district! No, the school board would rather spend money, millions of dollars to be more accurate, on a new football stadium. Football. Really? We're not in Texas; football is really not that important on a Friday night.

There's a desperate need for a safer, more modern, less politically run school here. While the charter school that lost its proposal last night may not have been the best option, there is no denying that a well-run, charter school would be welcome. I hope another one makes a bid and the school district looks beyond their pocketbooks and looks out for the best interest of the community's children.

Strange tangents and a political post? From me? I know....it's bizarre. Can I blame it on Spring Fever if it's only March 1st?

This Week Was Crappy, But.....

2011-01-28T23:44:00.002-05:00

Some weeks....oy.....some weeks feel like you dodge landmine after landmine to get to the end. This was definitely one of those weeks.

So many things happened that were completely unexpected and not very pleasant. But there was a lot of beauty in things too. If I stop and let myself dwell on the troubles and struggles, then I miss the good things that came out of this week.

I ended up in the ER very early on Thursday morning. It's a long story and not particularly pleasant to relate. But in that experience there were moments that made me smile. As I was waiting to pay my co-pay (an act that took the registration ladies COMPLETELY by surprise), there was a young couple that came rushing in. Well, he came rushing in and she waddled along behind him, obviously in labor, but with that "it doesn't hurt too much yet" look on her face. The husband was so nervous, so anxious, so concerned about her that he had that wild eyed "get me a wheelchair and a doctor STAT" look down pat. She was just breathing and giggling at him. It made me smile, because I knew I was witnessing the last moments when it would just be the two of them. Soon, there would be new life. And it was a precious moment.

And then, as I was walking home, I marveled at the pristine snow, the sounds of neighbors helping each other so early in the morning, and the quiet grace of the day. And an elderly man smiled at me as I went by and wished me a good day and a safe walk home. It was a moment of grace.

I think too about snuggling with Little Miss as she napped and I fell fast asleep at nap time. So tired, so weary, yet so comforted by the tiny head resting on my shoulder and the small fingers touching my cheek as she slept. Healing at its best.

And I thank God for the kind ER doctor who eased my fears and gave me medicine to heal me.

And I thank God for the friends and family who supported me with words and love. Oh yes, I thank God for every moment this week. Good and bad.

Freaky Tooth Fairy.

2011-01-25T23:46:00.003-05:00

My youngest son lost a tooth today. You would think he'd be eager to stash the tiny treasure under his pillow in anticipation of pay day from the Tooth Fairy. However, tonight, it was quite the opposite.

Tonight, I learned that my son is afraid of the Tooth Fairy.

VERY afraid.

So afraid that he wanted to throw his tooth away rather than risk the Tooth Fairy coming. It made me think about what a Tooth Fairy really does and why it would be slightly traumatizing. While The Rock romanticized the idea (okay, maybe the romanticized part was just in my mind!) of the Tooth Fairy, in actuality, this stealthy night visitor is kind of creepy.

Think about it....would you put something under your pillow if you thought it would somehow call a stranger to sneak into your room through the window and stick their hand under your pillow while you were sleeping? When you think about it like that, the Tooth Fairy is one sick, scary story....especially to a kid who is afraid of the dark.

Well, the tooth eventually ended up under his pillow.....he is, after all, a big fan of shiny quarters. And that means that now I must sneak into his room, slide my hand carefully under his pillow and somehow exchange his bagged tooth for change. Or, I can ask Hubs to do it!

Elusive.

2011-01-19T13:00:00.003-05:00

There comes a point in life when you just have to stop. Regroup. Reevaluate. And try to get your balance back. I find that I am, once again, thrust into that spot.

And, quite honestly, it's wretched.

I could write a million words, cry a million tears, pray a million prayers, and scream and rage. And I probably will along the way.

But for right now, I yearn to find a quiet place to just rest. Why is it so elusive?

Catch Up. Not Ketchup.

2011-01-15T19:32:00.003-05:00

Image via WikipediaIt's been awhile since I've written here (obviously), but I've been meaning to so that should at least count for something. The holidays are over, the decorations put away (except for the wreath I keep forgetting to take down), and life is back to normal. Well, sort of.

The big surprise that I couldn't tell you before the holidays was that we surprised the kids with a trip to Disney World. We left a few days after Christmas and returned shortly after the new year began. It was a great trip! Exhausting beyond belief, but very, very fun. Unfortunately, the kids were sick from Christmas morning through about New Year's Eve....which, of course, included three out of our five days at Disney. No worries; we did the best we could and took things at a much slower pace to accommodate them (and Daddy!) not feeling well.

My mom also went with us which was a huge blessing. It was great having a one-to-one ratio with children and adults, especially since the youngest was a tad bit too small to go on some of the rides yet. The kids are already talking about going back to Disney with Mommom and, I have to admit, I'm thinking about our return trip too.

We saw a ton of parades, most of which I had never seen before, and went on almost every ride that we had hoped to go on. My suggestion if you're planning to go, is go AFTER New Year's Eve. It was incredibly crowded the first three days, but by Saturday and Sunday the crowds had dramatically thinned. So many fun memories and so many bus rides later, I found that it took me a week to recover....and even then I was dragging.

Our best night, by far, was the night before New Year's Eve. Hubs and I went out to dinner with one of my WWF partners, his wife and their daughter to a Japanese Steakhouse. It may seem odd to those who have never met anyone online to actually think about going out to dinner with people you don't know while on your vacation....but actually, I felt like I knew them a lot better than some of the people we know in person. We got along smashingly and conversation was light and easy.

Anyway, after I got over the blazing fire in the center of the table (hello, fire phobia!), it was great fun. The food was enough to feed our entire family and then some....and that was just my portion. I was teased about not eating, but I did....you just couldn't really tell because there was SO MUCH food. Also, I was a bit terrified about what we were going to do after dinner, so I wasn't as hungry as usual.

You see, after dinner we went back to Disney Studios (MGM) and had Fast Passes for the Rock n Roll Roller Coaster that we had secured earlier in the day. Have I ever mentioned that, like fire, roller coasters are terrifying?! Yes, well, I was determined to go on said roller coaster despite my terror. Why? Because I knew I'd never hear the end of it, and secretly, I wanted to conquer my fear of dying at high speeds while hurling around a metal track upside down. That's not too much to ask, is it?

So, with eyes darting around for the exit, and feet moving like molasses towards the gates to hell, er, to board, I managed to actually get in the roller coaster car....wearing healed boots and a skirt....without flashing too many people....I hope. The countdown began, the music started to play, and old WWF pal was yelling "Keep Your Eyes Open!" I didn't think yelling back, "Bite me!" would be very ladylike, or very Disney-like for that matter, so I bit my tongue and silently prayed for a quick death. And then we took off.

Obviously, since I'm writing this, I didn't die. In fact, I had SO much fun that we actually went on it AGAIN later....after dropping 13 stories in the Tower of Terror (where my skirt DID fly up...hello, Brazilian man next to me, welcome to the States!)....and I went on every roller coaster available for the rest of the trip. Conquering fear of roller coasters? Check!

Were there more great moments than just that night? Absolutely! Like Cinderella in the parade waving and pointing and blowing a kiss to Little Miss who was sitting on the curb wearing her Cinderella dress too. And hearing the boys laughter and squeals as we got soaked on Splash Mountain. And watching my mom dance with the kids during the Street Dance Party Parade. And snuggling on the bus back to the resort with a child on my lap who whispered, "I love you, Mom."

No matter where you go, it's not the location that matters as much as the memories you make, the chances you take, and the fears you conquer while you're there. In the meantime, we're already planning our next trip. Complete with lots of roller coaster rides...and maybe some more fire.

Extended Family. It's Peculiar.

2010-12-20T07:00:00.001-05:00

I have no idea who these people are (okay, I know who Santa is, duh!), but there is an off chance they could be distant cousins or something. Image via WikipediaThe countdown is on to Christmas and, if you are like my children, you have it timed down to the stroke of 6am, the wake Mommy and Daddy up hour, on December 25th. Last minute Christmas gifts need to be purchased and wrapped, crocheting needs to be finished, cookies need to be baked (because we ate most of the ones we made already), mulled wine needs to be drunk, and Mommy needs to slow the heck down and enjoy this week. I think after a glass of above mentioned mulled wine, Mommy will be slooooowed down indeed.

We kicked off the week today with one son still in his three day grounded status and a family Christmas party. As I sat at the party this afternoon, and looked around the room, I realized extended family is a very peculiar thing.

Now, please, don't get me wrong. I love them all. But....most of them I don't even know. I'm not kidding you, there were people there I didn't even know, and I've been in this family all my life. (ha!) I don't know where most of my cousins work or even what they do. That's sad because we are not a big family. It's funny, we all get together, but each family sits together....there is really very little mingling. And we've been doing it that way for so long, I don't think we even mind anymore. Peculiar.

Now my aunts and uncles and parents make a supreme effort to talk with everyone, but us cousins and second and third cousins? We didn't get the mingling genes.

I find it utterly peculiar that I could spend three hours in a small room with people with whom I am related and still no nothing about them. Me....the one whose curiosity has led her to meet roofers in Scotland and cops in Florida and roller derby fanatics in California. And yet I don't even know my cousin Andy's girlfriend's son name....or how Andy has even been in the last year. It's sad really.

Maybe next year I should try to muster up some mingling mojo and see what happens. Who knows? By 2020 I might even know everyone's names.

P.S. - I am so scheduling this post to run instead of publishing it right away, because I'm hiding my bedtime. Oh, yes, I am. =D

Go Easy.

2010-12-17T01:48:00.003-05:00

Okay, this picture has NOTHING to do with the blog post, but that Blog Enhancement Tool pulled it as a related image because I used the word hush. So, I'm including it for the delight of all of the male viewers. (only fair since I used that wildly hot guy with the great arms a few posts ago!) May the sight of their voluptuous (silicone filled, fake as can be) chests make your day. Happy Friday! xoxo Image via WikipediaI should really be in bed. It's almost 2am and I know that I'll get lectures tomorrow from all of you well meaning people about staying up so late...or early as the case may be.

But it's my quiet time.

Thursday was one of those days that seemed to last fooooooorever. It was a great day, but it was just long. (Yes, I realize that the fact that I'm still awake at 2am is just prolonging it. Hush.)

I'm not sure what I want to say....other than to sit quietly in this place that is my blog and breathe. Clean, sweet, deep breaths of air as my family rests quietly and the dog snores at my feet. Breaths that help to restore me. Help to ground me. Help to heal me. Help to soothe me.

When I lose my way, I find it difficult to get back on track and find myself again. My walls stay up, my guard is on full alert and I feel like I curl up into a prickly hedgehog to protect myself. It's like living in limbo.

But tonight, as I sit here breathing, the walls are down, the guard is back to light duty and I feel more like the bear at the Philadelphia Zoo who was simply laying on his back, front paws raised to the heavens as he scratched his back contentedly. I thank God for the peace that Thursday brought. It was much needed.

And now...at 1:59 AM, I'm off to snuggle with Little Miss who is asleep in the middle of our bed after having a bad dream. Go easy in your admonishments please....I needed this.....even if I will need a caffeine IV all day.

Much love to you all! xoxoxoxo

~B

GiveBack.org AKA My New Excuse to Shop Online.

2010-12-15T08:03:00.001-05:00

I try not to promote too many things on my blog, because that's not really the purpose of me writing it. I'm more the quiet blogging type. Sliding in under the radar of mommy bloggers. That probably doesn't make the ideal candidate for entering a blogging contest to win a trip to Blissdom by GiveBack.org and the One2One Network. And, that's okay. I'll write the post anyway....

Because what's more important to me is that you know about this site. So, if I can quietly spread the word in a way that doesn't scream, "OMG, not another blogger trying to sell me something!" than all the better. Besides, do you really remember a product or site if you feel like someone's only writing it because they have to? Nope, me neither.

As most of you know (or should know by now), I love to shop online. My highly impulsive nature just cannot resist the "add to cart" button anymore than I can let a Milano cookie go by uneaten. GiveBack.org lets you shop from their site and earn money into your charity account. You can earn up to 15% back. Under Armour gives back 6%, Target gives back 4% and Walmart gives back 2% (boo hiss Walmart - it should be much more).

Your charity account is where you select a charity or two or three...and designated them to receive the funds in your account. You designate who gets what. There are, of course, big charities, but I found the nursing home where I used to work on there too. That's exciting to me. Shopping and helping and giving back - the trifecta of a great online shopping experience.

I'm encouraging you to look at the site and see what you think. I know that you're all big fans of helping others and this is a great way to do it.

Did I mention the Apple Store is also in their "mall" of shops? Yep...2% of a new computer would go quite a ways.

Unexpected Kindness. And a Deep Breath.

2010-12-13T13:10:00.001-05:00

Today was filled with unexpected moments of kindness. They say that the kindness of strangers can make all the difference some days. For me, it made a big difference in a lot of ways today.

I was still nursing the effects of the past few days. Life decisions will do that to you, I suppose. But I woke up to a tweet, from someone I don't know, who had read yesterday's post. I have to be honest here and say that most of the time I actually forget that the blog address is even on my Twitter profile. I don't write this so everyone under the sun will read it, but it's comforting to know that those who do find it are somewhat amused. That pleases me.

Anyway, I digress.

It started with kinds word in a tweet. Unexpected, unsolicited, but uplifting....and kind. So, @dsackr if you're reading this, accept a tip of my hat and my warmest thanks.

Then, while we were out at the mall doing school today, we happened into a conversation with a woman wearing a full burka (berka?). She was amazingly kind to the kids and answered all of their questions....including why she dressed the way she did. Her answer was kind and non-confrontational and she was doing her best to put Little Miss at ease. "Why am I dressed this way? Well, the best way that I have found to explain it is to say that it's because I have a pretty face, but I want to save it and share it only with my husband. It looks a little scary though, huh?" To which Little Miss replied, "No, I'm not scared. I can see your eyes and that's the best part." She was right too. Happy, cheerful, kind eyes were crinkling above and below the cloth covering her face. She was kindness personified. No matter what she was wearing.

And then there was an old friend who tested my well-being and made sure that I was okay after making the decision. And a new friend who did the same thing. Kindness. Friendship.

It was everywhere today.

But the best part of all was that I was finally able to take a deep breath...laugh and joke and cast doubt on the fact that I'm not really blonde. I've missed that. And I bet you have too.

Indecision aka A Surefire Way to Tick People Off.

2010-12-12T13:42:00.003-05:00

Image via WikipediaHave you ever had a huge decision to make? One of those unexpected, but freaking crazy huge decisions that you just feel is a life changer? There are always two choices....at least two.

This week, for me, there were two choices. They both still hung in the balance until about 45 minutes ago. Why? Because I haven't been able to make up my mind. And, quite honestly, it's been killing me and ticking off the people around me. MAKE A DECISION ALREADY! How freakin' hard could it be?! Yeah, well, apparently, very hard.

I'm not going to spill the specifics, but here are the two main players: Greed and God.

Greed, not for wealth or fame, but for the challenge and instant success. Greed for a larger audience than I could ever even imagine having in any job I would do. For someone who works in social media and who knows, knows, KNOWS how hard it is to build a gigantically huge audience, wow, those unbelievably big numbers are HARD to walk away from. Crazy hard. Crazy hard, I've been flip-flopping for five days hard. Greed....God. Greed....God. Greed...

God.

I prayed for guidance as soon as this decision came up. I prayed for wise counsel, sure signs and insight into how exactly I could succeed if I chose something other than the greed. I've been getting it alright. Heavens, how I have been getting it. The only thing that was lacking was insight on how the success was being wrought over on the greed side. How were those amazingly large, drool-worthy audience numbers even possible?! Guess what? He gave me the answer to that too. So, now I know. I know that the numbers are possible, how they're achieved, and that by sheer dumb luck the greed filled option blossomed.

Wise counsel. Check.

Sure signs. Check.

Insight. Check.

Stubborn as a mule me. Check.

Because, guess what? I was still not convinced.

So, He sent more wise counsel, more sure signs, more insight.....and some references to It's a Wonderful Life and geese that He was sure I'd get.

And I did. Even if I frustrated everyone in the process....I got it. Finally.

Even though I'm going to walk away from the instant audience, the instant drool-worthy fan interactions and engagement, I really have no choice. It's not up to me. I'll either fail (again) at something, or succeed. It's really all about stepping out in faith.

And I think the best part of choosing not to go with greed is that it's going to be a great example for my kids.....whether I succeed or fail. I can't be a great mom if I sacrifice them at the expense of a salary and profit sharing. Greed and greatness......true, soul-deep greatness don't go hand in hand.

If nothing else, I want my kids to look back at their childhood with happy memories. I want them to say I was a great mom. Because all it takes is one great mom to make a difference in the lives of her children, her family, her friends, and her community.

And as a post note to those who have poured out your heart and soul with counsel to me over the last few days....thank you. You'll never know how much your advice, research and insight has meant to me. Now, please....come help me soar.

I'm stepping out in faith.

Traditions. Some New. Some Old.

2010-12-05T23:37:00.004-05:00

Image via WikipediaAs I get ready to hang up birthday signs for the third child in the last three weeks, I can't help but to think about this crazy, wonderful tradition. Growing up, whenever it was someone's birthday, my parents would make signs that said, "Happy Birthday, 'insert name here'" or something to that effect. (Yes, they actually filled in our names and didn't write insert name here.)

It's a simple thing really, but seeing those signs first thing in the morning....that was something special. They'd be all over the house and stay there for a few days afterwards too. They made us feel special and loved and, really, that's the best thing to feel no matter how old you are.

When Dan and I started dating, I did the same thing for him. He thought I was insane, but I think he was secretly thrilled. At least, that's what I'm going to believe.

Now, we hang signs all over the house for each other whenever anyone has a birthday. The kids expect it, look forward to it, and go around reading every single sign for days. It's our birthday tradition and it's a keeper.

This year we started some traditions and continued with old ones. We get Christmas ornaments from the places we go...Cape May Zoo, Ocean City, Dutch Wonderland, and Lancaster are on our tree this year as new additions. We'll also be adding a new, special one after the new year. I can't wait!

We went to Ocean City the first week of June this year....going down every year is a tradition the kids are begging that we start. I'm okay with that really. It was a great vacation. One of the best ever really.

We also grow more vegetables than we can eat and plant things that we know only our elderly neighbors eat, because it's good to have a tradition of giving to others. The kids look forward to giving our neighbors veggies from the garden almost as much as they enjoy planting them.

We have other traditions too....some were just ours when we lived in Phoenix. Like a Christmas Eve service and a spaghetti dinner every year. But sometimes traditions have to adapt like the rest of us and Christmas Eve finds us rushing here and there. This year, we're determined to take the day back for ourselves. I cannot wait.

I hope you have your traditions too. Ones that make your heart happy and give you peace. Ones that when you wake up on your birthday....or any day...remind you that you are loved. We all need those kinds of traditions.

Exciting!

2010-12-03T15:32:00.002-05:00

I don't usually write about work, because well, it's work and this is so NOT work. But today, the company I work with was recognized as being one of the top 100 Internet retailers for 2010. What's so exciting is that they recognized the blog and the Twitter and Facebook presence that we have as being significant factors. As the Managing Blog Director and the one who does the Twitter and Facebook posts....that's awesomely exciting.

To say that it's the best job EVER, doesn't even come close. Love it!

Happy Friday to you all! xoxoxo

The Kids Are Sick.

2010-12-02T00:13:00.002-05:00

The kids are sick. Puking sick. Puking sick on me, because I am, after all, the one who is usually holding them when their stomachs revolt. After being thrown up on three times in less than two hours tonight, I was, however, ready for the puking to stop.

I was also desperately in need of a hot shower.

When they are sick though, I am often reminded of just how fragile our health is. One moment they're fine, the next....not so much. We often take for granted feeling well and moan when we feel less than stellar. As humans, we are so unappreciative of the gift of health until we don't have it.

Tonight, as I watch my soon-to-be three year old snuggling with her daddy in the center of our bed, I am thankful that her fever has broken somewhat. Her oldest brother's fever is still going strong. And I appreciate the fact that I can pray freely for them for healing. Because when I asked the toddler if she needed anything earlier, before she fell asleep, her response humbled me.

"Pray for me, Mommy. That will make me feel better."

Out of the mouths of babes.

A Request.

2010-11-30T12:57:00.001-05:00

I know I should be in bed. It's 12:15am and I am fighting to keep my eyes open. It's definitely time.

But before I rush off to reacquaint my pillow with my head, I have a request.

When you read this in the morning, take a deep breath and feel the peace of a new day. You may have a million phone calls to return, a thousand emails in your inbox and more meetings than any one person should have in a day. But breathe. Let the stress of your day roll off your back. Make the tension that threatens to knot up your neck fade from thought. And just breathe. Deeply, fully, slowly, and with peace.

I know you know this. But sometimes, we all need a little reminder.

Oh! And don't forget to drink your water.

A Gift.

2010-11-29T23:40:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about connections again today. The abstract connections of strangers. The timid connections of repairing relationships. The jubilant connections of those who simply feel at peace in their bond. Some days, the connection we have with others shifts.

I was honored to see a beautiful connection between two people today. It was filled with a fragile attempt to connect, a timid bond, a place of shared memories and, most importantly, with love. Sometimes, all it takes is that first move. That swallowing of pride, that deep breath of uncertainty and the scary place of vulnerability can all make for a beautiful connection. This time it did. It was. And to see it, to be a part of it in even a small way....it's indescribable.

Love, truly is, the greatest gift of all.

Sweet Memories.

2010-11-28T23:34:00.003-05:00

Image via WikipediaMemories have a way of sneaking up on you. They can be sly and weave themselves into the words of a song or the lines of a poem. They can be out in the open as you drive past a place that once was important. They can be small in the form of a buttercup or as big as the first airplane you flew in. Memories are what gives us a connection to the past and allows us to have hope for the future.

I came across some memories this weekend. Setting up the Christmas tree always does that. There was the ornament we got on our honeymoon with the chew marks from our first dog. There was the Disney World ornament from 1999 that we bought before we flew home to Phoenix only to find out that Dan's dad was in the hospital and he had to fly out to PA the next day. Ornaments from each of the children's first Christmases brought back memories of those early, sleepless days and nights....and weeks and months.

And I shared memories with friends about their holidays past. Good memories, sad memories, memories that have the power to heal. And as I shared and listened and read, I couldn't help but think that this is the Christmas spirit that I want to cling to this year. I want to remember those moments, make new ones and embrace the peace of the season.

As we all know, that's not always easy to do. Peace gets replaced by hectic schedules and rushing here and there. But it doesn't have to. Remind me to slow down, to breathe, to sit and just be still. Because that peace, that joy, that hope is all I want for Christmas.

My Secret Life.

2010-11-23T00:25:00.004-05:00

(This picture has nothing to do with me really, but how could I resist adding those OMG arms and shoulders to the blog?! It's like eye candy....with no calories! I can't stop looking. Issues, I know.) Image via WikipediaIt seems ironic that I have a blog called Confessions of a Gym Mama when I haven't been to the gym in who knows how long. It's been over a year for sure. Actually, it may even be two. Huh. Time flies.

Anyway, in order to be true to my blog and, more importantly, to get myself moving and in shape, I have been secretly exercising. I say secretly, because I haven't told all of you. Well, one or two of you know, but for the masses, this new information is startling I'm sure.

Since exercising can mean many different things, let me clarify. I have been running on the treadmill twice a day, almost every day (I didn't when I was sick, but I also couldn't really breathe that day either).

Twice a day? Yep. Twice a day. Usually morning and night.

Why twice a day? I'm not entirely sure actually, someone just told me it would be a good idea. So, I run twice a day. Of my own free will. And with no one chasing me. While listening to club/dance music on Pandora.

And you know what?

It's exhilarating.

Really.

I'm excited every single time I finish.

Why? Because it feels good to feel strong.

I've also been counting calories. Every single bite gets logged on my MyFitnessPal app. It's a free app that helps you set a calorie goal and then makes logging calories as easy as.....well, pie.

Honestly, at first the idea of tracking my calories was daunting and none too appealing.

Now....it's a game. Every food choice influences whether I win or lose the daily game....so I have been making better choices. And becoming more aware of what I eat and how many calories everything has. Trust me, once you realize what you should be eating and how much you actually are eating....it can be a little shocking.

So, for a week now I've been exercising. And I've lost over two pounds. But more importantly, I feel.....better. I still have this cold/allergy/sinus things that's been lingering, but I feel better. And that's definitely worth working out for.

(A special thank you to those who have been pushing me to lace up the sneakers and hit the treadmill. You know who you are. Your "no excuses, get exercising" attitudes are better than any personal trainer. You rock....and are very appreciated.)

Ping and Things.

2010-11-10T09:44:00.003-05:00

I go through phases with my iPod playlists just as I'm sure many of you do. Some songs I seek out and some others seem to seek me out. It's weird how that happens. I'm a big fan of the story in the words of songs, whether they apply to me or not. Hubs is more a fan of the music and not the lyrics. In fact, enduring frequent ribbing about songs, especially country and Christian songs, is my norm.

Anyway, iTunes has added something called Ping to their features. It lets you see other people's music choices, etc. Mine can be found under Brandi J. You're welcome to check it out. But, in the meantime, here are the songs recently added to my playlist...

Overnight by Amy Grant (this pretty song found me)

Sing Me to Sleep Tonight by Fran Healy (this was actually a free download one day, but I love the earthy vocals)

So Small by Carrie Underwood (love this song and it was on the 69¢ list)

Take on Me by a-ha (remember this video? It was one of my favorites from the days when MTV actually played music videos)

I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts (a new single by them that's got a great message)

Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn (I just like this one)

Chrome by Trace Atkins (makes me think of all the great cars I grew up with - thanks, Dad!)

Everything I Need by Kutless (a reminder and uplifter)

Critical by Jonas Brothers (what can I say? I have kids who watch the Jonas Brothers and I like the words)

Live Like There's No Tomorrow by Selena Gomez (she's too young to really know what she's singing about, but good lyrics)

Life Out There by Reba McEntire (my theme song some days)

Love Love Love by Tristan Prettyman (another one that found me)

And until I sync my phone and add my other songs back to this new phone, they're on shuffle repeat.

In other news, my red llama yarn has been shipped. I may just have time to get the scarf done before our trip. THAT would be most excellent indeed.

Colds, Math & Llama Scarves.

2010-11-09T11:32:00.003-05:00

I've been battling a cold since Friday and, unfortunately, it is showing no signs of defeat. Blech. So, I've decided to post about the top 5 things I've learned from this nasty bug. You're thrilled with my topic choice, I can tell.

1. Basic math (and my calculator) escapes me when sick.
Now some may argue that this also occurs while healthy, but I can guarantee that it happens when I'm sick. Adding, subtracting....doing multiple operations?! Ha! You're better off asking Pony Dog to write the answer. However, I do give it valiant attempts....always with the wrong answer, but I try.

2. NyQuil and DayQuil are the same....only in different colors and forms.
DayQuil, the one that supposedly won't make drowsy, knocks me out for 3 hours at a time. NyQuil, the one that's supposed to knock me out all night, wakes me up after 3 hours....just as stuffy as before I took it. Before the government decided we were too stupid or transfixed with making meth, NyQuil had some cool stuff in it. Now? Not so much.

3. Being sick makes me want to snuggle.
Unfortunately, being sick hinders snuggling. It's a bummer.

4. Even while sick I can spell high point words on WWF.
Words like Zonk for 114 points. If that's not innate skill (and a crazy amount of luck), I don't know what is. And much thanks to my WWF pal who let me gloat...a lot...over my highest word score ever. It was very gracious of you! :)

5. I can't get warm when sick.
Okay, really, this applies in the winter when I'm well too. In fact, because I can't get warm, I always have the urge to knit or crochet when I'm sick. Unfortunately, you need to be able to count while doing either...see #1 above to find out why this is not a good activity while I'm ill. However, this morning I did order some super soft, red llama yarn to make myself a scarf. I'll take pictures of it when it's done....probably in 10 years.

And now, it's time to make myself some warm something to drink and try to convince the kids to eat lunch so we can nap all afternoon. I know....good luck with that.

Hope you are all well and that your math skills are up to snuff. You never know when you might need them!

Rainy Days and Brownies.

2010-11-04T21:59:00.003-04:00

Rainy days, those cold, dreary, gray kind of rainy days, always get to me. It's a good thing I don't live in the Pacific Northwest or Scotland (I have it on good authority, aka Tony, that it is almost constantly raining there). I'd need high doses of anti-depressants if I lived in either location, I think. Anyway, today was one of those days here.

Not only do those kinds of days call for long naps in the afternoon (yes, children, it's a requirement!), they also call for chocolate. Chocolate in the ooey-gooey brownie form. Thankfully, I homeschool and just happened to have chocolate brownie making as today's lesson. Not really, but it was a lovely excuse.

We actually ended up baking brownies and while they were cooking and cooling we created brownie books. Books complete with multiplication, division, and fraction practice. After all, how much of each ingredient would we need if we doubled or tripled or quadrupled the amount of brownies we were making? And no, "a heck of a lot" is not the right answer. Nice try though.

The boys also wrote about their love for brownies and focused on some key words. The oldest did an amazing job with his handwriting and writing down the recipe. A little brownie motivation works every time.

At the conclusion of the brownie book lessons, we topped it off with cold glasses of milk and warm, gooey brownies. That, of course, was the kids' favorite part. Who am I kidding....it was my favorite part too.

Darn you sweet tooth. And pants with elastic that are, oh, so forgiving.

Speaking of pants....time to switch the laundry. And then maybe, just maybe, I'll go to bed. Before 11. How exciting would that be?!

First Time.

2010-11-02T13:24:00.003-04:00

I did something I have never done before.

I wrote a post, published it, and about ten minutes later took it down.

I don't do that.

Ever.

What I write, I post. Because, after all, this is where I let it all fly. Well, to some extent anyway.

So, why did I take it down? For a few reasons, but mostly because of this thing called grace.

There are a lot of different explanations for what grace is and what it means to certain people, but in this instance....grace was the calming insight that some things are best left unpublished. Some things are better off said directly and not in a post that who knows who will read. And even though the message would be here, there are just times when it doesn't belong here.

One thing that's worth taking from that post and putting here is my reminder to myself that faith and fear cannot live harmoniously in the same space. It was a good reminder.

And yes, just for the record, I choose faith.

Being Brave.

2010-10-18T23:33:00.003-04:00

Sometimes being brave means doing something that the outside world thinks is scary. More often than not, being brave is about doing those things that we find frightening or intimidating. Even with trembling knees and a racing heart, we do them anyway. That's being brave.

I'll never be as brave to the world as a soldier or a firefighter or a cop. That's not my calling. My bravery is in conquering those things that scare me.

Things like being 19 and having a lump removed from my breast or holding an oxygen mask to my newborn son's face, because he was having trouble breathing. It's visiting someone who is dying and spending the night holding a sick baby. Bravery is writing what I feel when it would be so easy to just say what I'm "supposed" to say. It's waiting for test results and driving to the hospital alone, because there's no one to go with you. It's realizing that your car is overheating viciously while driving on the highway with three kids asleep in the back - and pretending like you have it all under control when they awake to smoke pouring from out under the hood. Bravery is in phone calls and the last moments before you force a smile and pick up the phone. It's trusting others to keep their word, it's trusting yourself to believe them. Bravery is saying yes to things that scare you, and no to the things that don't.

For me, bravery isn't big and heroic. It's small and personal. It's everyday moments, it's those once in a lifetime chances. It's facing my fear head-on and believing that I can do it. And when I forget that, it seems there is always someone there to remind me. Someone reaching out to pick me back up, dust me off, and give me the old "go get 'em" encouragement I need.

You see, I'm finding as I get older, that being brave by yourself is good, but being brave with the support of others....well, that's even better.

A Review.

2010-10-17T23:15:00.003-04:00

Image by cwalker71 via Flickr

I was supposed to go to bed at 10 tonight, but alas, I never quite made it. So, instead of turning in earlier than 11:30 (heaven forbid!), I decided to write to all of you. Aren't you thrilled?

This weekend was perfect weather for the fall. Last year our fall was rain laden and warm. This year, we have been blessed by perfect fall temperatures and sunny weekends. We ended up going to Boo at the Zoo on Saturday with some family and had a great time. The Philadelphia Zoo is the nation's first zoo, but, thankfully, has come a long way since it was first built. Little of what I remember from going there as a child is still there except a huge stone elephant statue. I have a picture of myself standing in front of it with Steven English and Dan Wilcox, two boys that were in my first grade class when we went. My mom was the chaperone. That I remember. =) I have no idea where Steven English is, but Dan Wilcox is still local and just got married.

Today I took the kids out to breakfast at the God-awful hour of 7:15am. Hubby was out, so it was just the kids and I....and my very own pot of coffee at Friendly's. I must have looked desperate. Then we went to my impulse shopping store - Target. I cannot leave that place without something I didn't go in there for. Today...it was a hoodie. For me. Yippee for me! The boys got some play pants (which is why we went) and we picked up our usual 30 gallons of milk, because we're not permitted to hitch a cow up to the garage outside. We go through more milk than any one family should. Sometimes it's 6-7 gallons a week. Between cereal, milk, cooking and baking.....forget it. We need a dairy farm next door.

I have this new blog enhancement tool that's staring at me from the right side of my screen. Blog enhancement tool.....sounds kind of kinky, I know. BUT it's supposed to provide links and picture and article suggestions for what I write. I downloaded it for work, but apparently it's also stalking this blog. Lovely.

And now, I'm off to bed. Have a fantastic Monday!

GNO.

2010-10-15T22:58:00.002-04:00

There is something wonderful about a Girls' Night Out. Twice a year, although we try to make it more than that, my friend Christa and I get together. Tonight was one of those nights.

We don't do much....mostly walk the mall and make fun of expensive clothing and shoes. Tonight we saw some real lookers. If you're in the market for Gladiator style sandals or need some hoochie mama heels, may I suggest you check out the clearance racks in Macy's shoe department. There were also some lovely boots that, I have to admit, I was coveting. Since I am in the market for new black boots I was drooling a little more than usual. However, I am rather realistic and realize that while the black boots look lovely sitting on the shelf, that $240 price tag could feed my family for almost three weeks. So, the boots stayed....and I wiped the drool off of them before I walked away.

We also checked out the Disney store and found some lovely Alice in Wonderland hats that would go smashingly with the hoochie mama heels. Unfortunately, we purchased neither. Although we did consider it. Briefly.

Our next stop was to our favorite food stop of indulgence. Huge, thick slabs of chocolate cake (see the flickr link to the right) and bottles of water to make us feel slightly less guilty. Actually, I felt no guilt. The last time I had a piece of that cake was almost a year ago to the day when Christa and I went out last October. It actually looks better than it tastes, which is always a let down, but does keep me from eating the entire thing. I was hoping for cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory, but alas, the wait was about an hour. Who has time for that? Oh right, I used to...

Anyway, we talked about our kids and marriages and all of the day to day stress that overtakes us. It's nice to get all of that out there over a piece of cake with a good friend. We also have the same snarky sense of humor, which makes shopping and chatting a great deal of fun. I only wish we made time to treat ourselves to it more often.

Two nights out in a row. Who'd believe it?

Done.

2010-10-15T01:46:00.002-04:00

It's a wonderful feeling. Being done the bulk of work on Thursday nights is always a relief. Sure, I have to write on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but the main push for writing is Monday through Thursday. So, Thursday, even at almost 2am, there is a welcome sigh of relief and a feeling of accomplishment.

It's been a busy week and an unusual one. I'm looking forward to a more familiar pace next week, even though the kids will be off from both co-ops next week and then off again the following Monday. I think I may need to call the super babysitter.

I did something wild and crazy tonight. I went to the movies. Yep, the actual movie theater....with cushiony chairs, sticky floors and the smell of slightly stale buttery popcorn. I took a couple of teachers to go see Waiting for Superman, the documentary on education reform in the US. It was actually for work, but, wow....good movie and a night out by myself. Super wild.

Well, before the clock strikes two and I turn into a slobbering mass of exhaustion at my desk, I will bid you goodnight. I hope you are all sound asleep on your cozy mattresses, dreaming of happy thoughts like green mint chocolate chip ice cream and cupcakes with sprinkles and too much icing. Happy Friday.

Things That Really Tick Me Off.

2010-10-13T23:52:00.002-04:00

This was going to be a post about things that make me smile, but after yet another app failure right when I was in the middle of something very important, I'm not feeling all smiley inside. I'm downright ticked. So, let's start the list off right....

1. APPS THAT CRASH. Yeah, that should say it all, but it doesn't. Apps that crash and cause frustration are the number one thing that ticks me off. Shallow, I know, but SERIOUSLY?!?! I've just about had it with certain apps that cause me to have to reset my entire phone and don't send the information I was trying to send. Yahoo is the worst offender. That's right Yahoo!, Google this and see that I TRULY DESPISE YOUR APP. Better yet, just FIX it! I'm tired of things not getting through and people getting frustrated at me because YOUR FREAKIN' APP CRASHES ALL THE TIME! OY!!!!! And to those who were waiting for information back from me, all I can say is that I sent it and then got the message "Failed to Send" - for every freakin' message I sent. UGHH!!!!!

2. Kids that run around in the parking lot. This happens at a thing we go to and it drives me up a wall. Parents, stop chatting and watch your toddler before the giant SUV backs over her!

3. People that get things deceitfully and then boast about them. If you haven't worked for it, if you haven't earned it through your own efforts, and then are going to get all pompous and boastful about your "achievement" - forget it. That's called fraud.

4. APPS THAT CRASH!! I know I mentioned this already (see #1 above if you've forgotten), but it bears repeating. I was right in the middle of something tonight and the STUPID APP CRASHED. AGAIN!!!!!!! I DESPISE YOUR APP YAHOO!! (Apparently, venting my anger on the blog is not really helping things, seeing that I'm still furious and now typing in caps.)

5. Bad table manners. Elbows off the table, mouth closed while you're chewing, don't talk while you're chewing and stop blowing your nose at the table. It's gross.

6. APPS THAT CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. Um.....yeah, that's about it.

Did I mention APPS THAT CRASH?! oy.

Goodnight. Sweet dreams. Thanks for letting me vent. oy.

Anticipation.

2010-10-12T23:59:00.002-04:00

Have you ever been excited about something? Something so wonderfully huge that you feel like you'll just jump out of your skin with excitement before you can even get to experience it? Well, I'm anticipating something like that. I can't tell you what it is, except that NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT. Oy. Just the thought of that sends shivers of fear up my spine. Okay, back to happy thoughts.

I'm anticipating something and some of you know what it is, but most of you don't. After it happens, I'll happily share, but until then, mum's the word. Sorry about that.

But tonight, I'm sitting here, work done and thinking about this thing that's going to happen. And I'm so excited at just the thought of it I can't help but smile. My cheeks hurt from smiling actually. I'm thinking about what I'll wear, what I'll bring along and how many pictures I'll be excited to take. Anticipation. Tonight I have it written all over me.

Things I am and things I am not.

2010-10-11T23:53:00.004-04:00

Things I am and things I am not. Pretty self-explanatory blog post title. Let's begin.

Things I am...

cheerful (usually)
optimistic (usually)
a lover of chocolate
nervous about certain things (don't ask)
tired (usually - right now? definitely)
a loner
a french fry burner (always - it's mad talent, I tell you)
a hard worker
a fan of Glee and Cops
issue ridden (but who isn't, really? I know you love me for them...think how dull the blog would be otherwise (ha!)!)
funny....especially to myself

Things I am not...

feeling well (dang cold)
a fan of some online shopping sites
fond of auto-fill
a fan of apps that crash, freeze and skip messages
a lover of citrus fruit....although I love the smell of it, the taste....ew
a fan of driving in the city....any city; I don't discriminate, I dislike them all....well, actually Phoenix wasn't too bad if I didn't have to take I-17
.....awake

Sorry, but this blog post will need to be continued....my pillow is calling my name.

Burden, Exhaustion & Forgiveness.

2010-10-10T19:31:00.003-04:00

I hate feeling like I'm a burden, or that my ideas or needs, are a burden to anyone. I would rather simply do something myself, without asking for help, than feel like I'm causing someone else to be inconvenienced. Even if they're not, if I feel like my request is too big, I feel bad for suggesting it or asking. And heaven forbid if I'm joking about something and then someone goes and does it. Oy. Makes me feel wretched. I also hate asking for help if I know someone is already busy to the point of overload. I don't want to be the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak.

I was thinking about this a lot this weekend as I helped run my church's children's consignment sale. I'd rather think that I could do it all myself than ask someone else to give up a lovely fall weekend to help. The result is exhaustion. Especially tonight. It's not even 8pm and I swear I could fall sound asleep at my desk and not wake for at least 12 hours.

Exhaustion leads me to say things I might regret and give the impression I'm not grateful for the help and support I receive. But, I'm very grateful. Grateful for those who consistently reach out, those who help lift me up when I can barely keep my head above water, and grateful that those same people forgive me when I have a hard time expressing what I'm feeling. Tonight, I feel I am in need of that forgiveness.

So, before I say more than I intend or trip over my words anymore, I'm off. May Monday be a day of peace and happiness for all of you.

Twitter.

2010-10-06T22:55:00.003-04:00

Many of you know that I use Twitter and many of you actually "follow" me there. It's like being able to see someone's live, random thoughts as they happen....along with the other 800 billion people you follow and who follow you. What you may not know is that I tweet from two different accounts - one that's personal and one that's for work.

Let's talk about the personal one first. Personal tweeting is like....having a random thought and just shooting it off into cyberspace. There's usually not a lot of response except from those who you actually know in real life. And, really, that lack of response is just fine. Most of the time I'm not even looking for a response....just a chance to vent or tell a thousand people that I'm wearing my favorite new gray sweatpants that make me look hot. Nothing much really. Random and very little interaction. That's the personal Twitter account.

Now work. Work is a whole different ballgame, because the work account needs interaction. It's part of the company's social media effort and it's important to interact with our customers and fans. What does that look like exactly? Well, sometimes I post links to articles and products. Sometimes I ask questions of our teachers. Sometimes I participate in #EdChat.

Now, #EdChat is not really like chatting. It's like trying to pick out bits and pieces of a thousand different conversations all at once and respond to one or two. Again, there's interaction, but not a lot. What is #EdChat, you ask? Well, it's when people associated with education use the hashtag #EdChat after their posts to talk about things related to education. For the "formal" edChat times there's usually a moderator and a topic, but really, it goes so fast and furious you're lucky to comment on one thing before it moves on to the next. A cyber-blur is a great way to think of it.

It dawned on me early this morning that those of you who don't frequent Twitter or who don't know what a Twitter chat is may think it's very different from what it actually is. Believe you me, the term "chat" is used loosely within the structure of Twitter. It's not like chatting on WWF or texting or anything like that. And that was my ah-ha moment today....that you just might not know this information and might have a new perspective on what it is I actually do online. Because I know you're all so very curious. But really, all you have to do is ask me and I'm happy to tell you...and explain. Sometimes I forget that not everyone is as involved with social media as I am, so I apologize if it comes across as confusing at times. It's really not meant to.

Btw, you can follow my personal account on Twitter @GymMama if you're curious about how many cups of coffee I've had or what I'm wearing. I can promise you it will be the most exciting dull experience you've ever had online. You can get the free Twitter app for your iWhatever in the AppStore. If you Tweet, let me know so that I can follow you. If you're worried about random people seeing your tweets, you can actually set it up so that only those who you approve can see them. You can approve 1 person or 1 million....it's all up to you. Oh! And if you're trying to tweet TO me, make sure you start the tweet with @GymMama or I will never see it. My Twitter feed goes verrrrrrry fast. Fair warning. =)

My 5 Picks for Monday.

2010-10-04T01:28:00.006-04:00

I find I run across so many new things, especially lately, that I want to share them all. However, by the time 1:37am rolls around, I'm lucky if I can remember my name. Thankfully for you, I made a list earlier....thanks to a To-Do list tangent....and am finally getting to my blog post. So, here ya' go....some of my top picks that you too can have, or download, or whatever. Enjoy!

1. Anything written by Claudia Hall Christian. I am particularly fond of her Alex the Fey series. In fact, I think I'd like to be Alex the Fey. Even my dad would like this series (hint, hint, Dad!)....lots of special ops action. You can download it on Kindle or get it for free (yes, really!) by going to Claudia's blog. There's actually a contest going on now to win both Fey books, but you can also download The Fey from a link on the right hand side. These are definitely can't-put-it-down books.

2. Pandora. If you don't have the free app for your i-Whatever from the App Store, it's worth the 30 seconds it takes to download. Great music...for free!

3. GPSDrive by MotionX. Another app for your i-Whatever that's got talking, and rerouting!, GPS. It came in handy this summer as we jaunted all over the place.

4. Chick-Fil-A Sweetened Iced Tea. Sorry, this one's not free, nor is it available where some of you live, but it's yummy and definitely a favorite pick. However, if you come to visit, I'll buy you one and then it will be not only tasty, but free. That's a good deal, right?

5. The Targus High Speed SD/SDHC/MMC Card Reader/Writer. This little, handy dandy card reader has made downloading pictures from my camera so much easier. Simply take the memory card out of the camera, pop it into this gadget, plug it into a USB port on the computer and ta-da! Instant picture downloading. You can probably find other brands where you are, but I got mine at Wal-Mart, aka the black hole where time gets sucked out of my day in huge chunks, for about $8. It's worth it. Trust me.

So, my 5 picks for Monday. The books are GREAT, the apps are awesome and the tea and card reader, well, they're pretty super too. Try them and let me know what you think. You can leave a comment you know. Anonymously too. (And if you don't like them, it's probably best to leave the comment as Anonymous or I'll mention you in the next post.)

Awesomeness

2010-10-01T01:47:00.003-04:00

I know I should be fast asleep by now....after all it's almost 2am on Friday morning, but I got started on something and before I knew it....2am. Being focused is a good thing. I enjoy the concentration and excitement that accompanies an enjoyable task. Those unpleasant tasks? Oy. Those are the ones I would rather not focus on, and find that I have an unusually difficult time concentrating on. That's when outside motivation helps.

Most of the time that motivation comes in the form of my iPhone timer. I set it for a certain amount of time and race to beat the clock. When I'm in my groove I can easily do it. When I'd rather be doing anything but what I'm doing, the clock does little to help.

Sometimes motivation comes in the form of chocolate. I know. That's probably NOT the best motivation, but really, it's chocolate. Full of healthy anti-oxidants and stimulating caffeine. Right, because I need more of that. Anyway, the chocolate works much the same way as the timer. Finish an article, eat a bar, er, piece of chocolate. You get the idea.

Other times, motivation comes from other people. That's the best. It may seem wrong; you may be thinking I should be intrinsically motivated, and while I am, usually, sometimes I just need that encouragement to keep going. It's like having a coach to help me keep my head in the game. That's awesome. Really. And for those of you who coach me through and motivate me when I'd rather be cleaning the lint from the dryer trap than sitting and writing one more article, I thank you. Because you're awesome.

So, with the bulk of my work behind me for the week, and a small pile staring at me for the weekend, I can rest comfortably. Even if I did end up staying awake until 2am.

It Is.

2010-09-29T23:59:00.000-04:00

Loneliness is a wretched thing.

That is all.

My Secret Indulgences

2010-09-29T00:17:00.003-04:00

It's true. I'm well into my 30s and nearing 40 with alarming speed, but my secret television indulgences....well, they're probably suited for someone who is a lot younger and a lot tougher than I. As most of you know, my workday officially begins once I toss my children in their respective beds and make a mad dash for my laptop. While I am working and emailing and following up on all sorts of things during the day, the bulk of my writing occurs at night and into the wee hours of the morning. But on Tuesday and Saturday nights you will find me firmly planted on the sofa at 8pm and tuned into Fox.

Yes, that's right, my secret television indulgences are none other than Glee and Cops. Now, two shows could not be farther from one another in genre and target audience. While Glee is all high school drama and singing, Cops is real-life take downs and suspects tripping over their own pants. Both amuse me. I know, I have issues.

Now let's focus on Glee first. I have a friend who refuses to watch the show and cannot understand why anyone would want to. Now, that right there, is some closed minded thinking. Take tonight for example. Why, John Stamos was on there. Super cute, sexy, older John Stamos. Who doesn't like that?! And, if said friend had actually watched all of Glee, the evidence of Brittany Spears slutty and skintight outfits would have probably made his day. Can I help closed minded thinking? I think not. The singing was great, as usual, and I added another iTunes song to my playlist - The Only Exception by Paramore. Since everyone seems to be on an iSomething the link goes right to the YouTube video. A great song indeed. Now, really, why do I like Glee? Well, I could pretend that it's for a variety of reasons, but the truth of the matter is that it's an escape. For an hour. Every week. It makes me laugh, is slightly disturbing and there are commercials of Josh Duhamel (see hot, sexy picture to the left...now if he asked me to be his baby's mama....yowzerz....bring it! And gosh, let's hope he doesn't Goggle his name because really....how mortifying would THAT be!) in it. How can I resist? And how can I not take an hour just to breathe?

Cops on the otherhand is anything but songs and cheerleaders. Although, I do admit to cheering them on when they are chasing the criminals, er, suspects over hedges and chainlink fences. I'm sorry, but if someone ran from me and I had to climb a chainlink fence to haul your sorry butt back to the car....I wouldn't be the happiest of campers. I might taze you just for making me run. And that is why I am not a cop. That and the fact that I sound like I'm a teenager....not very intimidating. I also like Cops for the escape it provides and the fact that it can be outrageously funny. Like last week, a guy decided to run, but his shorts were so baggy that they slipped down his legs and he tripped over his own pants. Now that is really, really funny. As Dan said, "Buy a belt before you decide to run from the cops." Good advice, I think.

So, while you may mock me for watching Glee or roll your eyes at the thought of Cops, for me, those two hours every week are about more than television. They're a chance to just sit and rest for an hour and indulge. And after days when I have spent more than my fair share of time saying things like, "Don't touch that!" "Put that down!" "Don't brush your hair with your brother's toothbrush!" and "Oh, my gosh that's gross! Go wash your hands!"....I need an hour...or a month. So, let me relax, give me the time to just breathe, and indulge me if I start giving you Glee and Cops play-by-plays. Because just like air, I need that.

Santa-ette Promised.

2010-09-24T10:01:00.003-04:00

When the monkey gets her bath her new favorite thing is to put bubbles on her chin and pretend she's Santa. Today was no different. So, if the real Santa is reading, here's my wishlist....which I was assured by the younger Santa-ette that I could have.
(keep in mind that a 2 yo helped with the list.)
1. A maid.

2. Firm abs.

3. A vacation to a private island all by myself for an extended period of time.

4. A print of George Washington at Valley Forge.

5. Apps that don't freeze, delete messages and cause general confusion and chaos.

6. A washer and dryer upstairs...afterall, that's where the dirty clothes are, right?!

7. An iPhone 4 with video calling and no reception issues.

8. An Audi with maintenance, insurance and gas paid for....forever.

9. A daily nap.

10. World peace.

11. For Girly Monster to finally be potty trained.

12. Bananas.

13. Green Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.

14. A llama.

15. Soap that smells like lilacs.

16. A big front porch with rockers.

17. Chocolate. Special Dark only.

18. A Mac laptop.

6 Minutes Until 10.

2010-09-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

As I sit staring blankly at this box that will somehow transform into a blog post, it is 6 minutes before 10pm. 6 minutes can be a long time or over in the blink of an eye. It's all about how you look at things. And what you ultimately do in those 6 minutes.

It can be something profound. You can save a life in 6 minutes. You can change your destiny. You can make a mistake. You can experience something you never even imagined existed.

What you do in 6 minutes can also be not so profound, but equally as amazing. You can laugh. You can smile. You can read a book. You can watch a movie. You can listen to a song. You can talk to a friend. You can kiss someone you love. You can listen to a thunderstorm and smell the rain. You can simply sit and breathe.

I think when we hear the world's mantra that we should make every minute count, we tend to think only about the work that needs to be done and not the rest that needs to be taken. We rush to make those minutes big, and we feel somehow guilty when they're not.

But what do we really need in those 6 minutes? I think it's more basic that money or peer recognition. In those 6 minutes what we really need is a smile, a hug, a shoulder to lean on, an encouraging voice....what we really need above all else is love and support from those who mean the most to us.

Here's hoping your six minutes were filled with all of that....and more.

xoxoxoxo to you all. Sweet dreams.

Sick Kids, Great Ideas & My Father's Pocket Frogs

2010-09-21T22:34:00.004-04:00

Not much to say today. The kidlets are still sick. The awesome babysitter showed up right on time and the conference call with work went smashingly well. I got some great help and advice on an upcoming article and have a potential new article series topic that will be great, not only for personal safety reasons, but in a kick-butt SEO sort of way. I was, and still am, much appreciative of the help and ideas.

I also laughed so hard I was crying when my dad called to tell me about his Pocket Frogs. Yeah, I know. I was thinking the same thing. It's not every day your father calls to tell you that he and your mother have been playing Pocket Frogs and, really, thank God for that. It's slightly creepy, especially when phrases like "it's addicting," "you can give them to other people," and "I can't keep my hands off of it" are used. Never fear though, it's an app for the iPhones they swore they were not going to become addicted to. It's on the same system as WeFarm, WeRule, GodFinger and the other slightly interactive games. Still, slightly creepy...and now I have it on my phone.

Really, that's about it.

Tomorrow, I promise to be much more exciting. Well, as exciting as I can be with 3 sick kids in tow.

My Bad Habit.

2010-09-20T22:46:00.003-04:00

Just like all of you, I have a lot of bad habits. Hiding chocolate from the children, biting my nails when I'm nervous, not eating breakfast, drinking too much coffee (yes, there is such a thing), and many more. One of the biggest bad habits that I have is comparing people to others. Now before you get all up in arms, just continue reading.

As many of you know, my oldest son struggles immensely with reading. He has dyslexia, which is a fancy word that means that his brain doesn't decode written words like the rest of ours. My younger son, while he struggles a little, can pretty much pick up a book on his grade level and read it. Just like that. Sometimes, when I'm teaching them, I have to constantly remind myself that the older is not the younger. That while the younger can read the word "struggle" with little to no trouble, for the older one, it's going to take a good 15-20 minutes to figure that word out the first time.

And it's through no fault of his own.

I think that's the key point to this rambling. While we may want someone to be something other than what they are, or we compare them to someone else, we stop giving them a fair chance to just be themselves. Trust me, I'm entirely guilty of this myself.

The thing is, you don't have to compare anyone to anyone else. I don't have to compare the older son to the younger, because I have them both and both bring me joy (and headaches!) in their own unique way. If the younger was more like the older or vice versa, I'd lose out on some of the specialness that makes each relationship so....special.

And while there are many days when I wish reading came naturally to my oldest and he could pick up words like his brother, I'm just thankful that he wants to keep trying. That even though it's tough for him (and for me!) that he keeps puttering along. Because someday, I have faith that he'll get the whole reading concept. That picking up a book will be pleasurable for him instead of the torture that it now is. I have faith.

So, I'm going to try to stop comparing, even though it can be excruciatingly difficult at times, and just enjoy the blessings that co-exist in my life. Because loving the way one child is does not negate the fact that I love the other for the way he is too.

It's the Little Things.

2010-09-19T21:26:00.002-04:00

I have three sick kids. Literally sick....drippy noses, coughs and fevers. They have shared their germs and while I usually encourage them to share, this is one of the areas that I never have to address. They share illnesses freely and without grumbling. Beggars cannot be choosers, I suppose.

Amidst the endless tissues and soup, I began to think about the things that make my day. Because, really, if there is ever a time when you need to be optimistic about life it's when your kids are wiping their noses on your shoulder. So, here ya' go....the little things that make my day...

New shower gel. Really. It's exciting.

Finishing work before midnight. It makes me feel very accomplished.

Remembering to set the timer to pre-program the coffee pot for the morning. It's delightful to wake up to coffee that's already made.

Hugs. Enough said.

Messages, emails, and phone calls just to say hi. I love to get them. Especially on days when I am home with 3 sick kiddos. Keeps me from going crazy. Just sayin'. Hint, hint, hint to all of you. =)

The smell of lilacs in spring, fresh cut grass in summer, apples in fall and pine in winter. The smell of sugar cookies is also a big one any time of the year.

Sheets that have been line dried. Perfect.

When my cell phone battery lasts longer than a few hours. Oy.

Naps. Need I say more?

Soft pretzels that are crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. The trick, my friends, is to broil them for about 5-10 minutes in the toaster oven.

A nice, quiet shower where I don't have to keep an ear out for the kidlets. Bliss.

Like I said, it's the little things.

Friday Update - That's Almost on Saturday

2010-09-17T23:19:00.003-04:00

Well, I am happy to report that the ice cream experiment went smashingly well. Green Mint Chocolate Chip was, by far, the favorite and for good reason....because it rocks! The white mint was sorely lacking in flavor and consistency, I'm afraid. Poor white mint. Your defeat was almost inevitable.

Before the ice cream experiment we went to visit Chester at the nursing home. He was up in his room, which seems to be where he spends more and more of his time. Getting old is a lonely experience. The children were thrilled to see him, as was he to see them. They were also excited when he gave them cans of Pepsi and a chocolate bar the size of Montana to split. Don't worry, I have the chocolate carefully hidden away in a very safe spot...and will be testing it tomorrow - by myself. For my out of the country friends, Montana is a VERY big state. We chatted for awhile and before we left he stopped me and asked if he had any family living besides his niece. I gently reminded him of his son and daughter who were still living...but I don't blame him for forgetting. It's hard to remember people who never come to see you - ever. Then he said, "You're like a daughter to me. More than my own daughter is. You're my family." And tears rolled down his cheeks. And my heart broke into a million tiny pieces as I kissed his cheek and squeezed his hand and reassured him that, to us, he is also family. What do you do with that emotion? I'm still trying to wrap my head, and heart, around it.

I also found out that a dear friend from childhood is getting married. He's always been one of those guys....the one who comforted me in kindergarten when my dog ran away, the one who made sure I wasn't chosen last for anything, and the one whose locker was next to mine forever thanks to a stroke of pure alphabetization. (No, I don't know if it's an actual word, but you get the drift.) I ran into him, literally, once when I was home from college and he still had that comfortable feel that someone people just have. I'm not sure about all of the years between the time we lost touch and the time we reconnected, but it was not a particularly pleasant one for him. But, he's getting married and is happy and for that I am very thankful. He deserves it.

I think I heard the song Smile about 18 times today. No joke.

My GNO got cancelled because of an emergency at Dan's work. Thoroughly disappointing for a variety of reasons....not the least of which was the thought of actually talking with someone face to face who is over the age of 8. Call me crazy, I know. Ah, well, October looks promising for another try. Maybe. I ended up eating dinner with the kids and watching a video, which definitely improved my mood.

And now, I am finally ready to put this week to rest. May your Saturday be filled with happiness and fun and boatloads of GREEN mint chocolate chip ice cream. xoxoxo to you all.

Official Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Testing Date

2010-09-16T23:20:00.004-04:00

I will be conducting a very scientific experiment to determine which is better - white mint chocolate chip ice cream or green mint chocolate chip ice cream - tomorrow afternoon, Friday, September 17th. All are welcome to attend.

Much thanks to Jeremy for suggesting this awesome testing idea! You are a true friend indeed. ;-)

And to those who are rooting for the underdog, white mint chocolate chip ice cream, good luck with that.

(What's even funnier is that I already have a label for "ice cream" on the blog. I rock.)

Prayer.

2010-09-16T23:02:00.002-04:00

I'm always struck by the way people pray. While most of us are taught to pray from an early age, it becomes a much more personal experience as we get older. Some people never lose that formality in their prayer and others start by saying, "Good morning, Father." I tend to be the latter of those.

I think a lot of it depends on how you were raised. In our co-op every week a family has to get up, introduce themselves and lead the morning prayer. Today's family was clearly nervous and the mother almost apologetically explained that they are one of the only Catholic families in our group. She prayed and had us a do a response to her prayer, which is very different from how we pray in our church. But it was okay. It was interesting to experience something different in prayer.

I pray for all of you too. Daily or hourly and especially when your names come to mind. I have found that it makes me feel connected and I love the connection. I also pray for your families (and mine!), and when you come to me with special prayer requests, I send them out. There is no sense hoarding prayers...they are endless.

So, I give them freely and always with heartfelt love.

Random Facts

2010-09-14T23:16:00.002-04:00

More random facts about me, because you've always wanted to know, but have been too afraid to ask. Or, because you don't particularly care one way or the other, but will read them anyway, because you've already started and now feel obligated to continue.

I love mint chocolate chip ice cream. GREEN mint chocolate chip ice cream. The white stuff is fake.

Somedays, in the winter, I tell the kids we're having pajama day just so I don't have to get changed because it's so cold.

My dog weighs 130 lbs. I know I've mentioned this before, but if you're a stalker, you need to hear this again. My dog is 130 lbs. and he's EXTREMELY loyal to me. By the way, a 130 lb. dog looks like a small pony.

Fall is my favorite season. There's nothing like seeing the leaves change, feeling the cool nip in the air, and digging out the gooey pumpkin innards while the kids squeal with laughter.

I think my neighbors are awesome. Our immediate neighbor stopped on his way home from work one day when he saw us jumping Dan's car, just to make sure we were okay. He's a young guy, too, probably not more than 26, and super nice. He also helped shovel out the van during Snowmageddon...so I made him brownies. I also adore all of the other ones who live more than a wall away. We are very blessed.

My toenails are currently painted China Girl pink. For some reason, that name makes me smirk.

I was in the color guard in high school. That's right, I twirled flags like nobody's business. It was fun. Until it wasn't.

I find it highly disturbing that I have to pet my farm animals on We Farm. There's something just not right about that.

I am not fond of crowds. I get that from my Dad.

My favorite movie is Somewhere in Time.

I've always wanted to go to Mackinac Island where Somewhere in Time was filmed. Maybe someday.

My favorite song changes too frequently to pinpoint just one. Some of the songs on my playlist right now are: Hey, Soul Sister (Train), The House That Built Me (Miranda Lambert), Far Away (Nickelback), Smile (Uncle Kracker), Whatever It Is (Zac Brown Band), The Climb (Miley Cyrus), I Gotta Feeling (Black Eyed Peas), Just Dance (Lady GaGa), Get Back Up (tobyMac), You Are More (Tenth Avenue North), The Lost Get Found (Britt Nicole), Still (Tim McGraw), Better Than a Hallelujah (Amy Grant), Give Me Your Eyes (Brandon Heath) and Hold Us Together (Matt Maher)

And that's your daily dose of complete randomness. Enjoy! And check out the songs...

Memories

2010-09-10T22:08:00.006-04:00

I grew up in a great family. There was always a lot of laughter and more than enough love to go around. I don't think I quite realized at the time what a blessing that it was, but now I realize what a super big blessing it was...it is. So, because I have a few minutes, I thought I'd share some of the moments that I remember. It may also explain my sense of humor.

Once, when I was 12 or 13, we went with my dad on a business trip to Torrance, California. We had a lot of fun doing sightseeing things while my dad worked and it was just a great, happy vacation. Until the last night. We went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant...I can still see it in my mind...and for some reason I got the giggles. I wasn't loud, I was just sitting there giggling to myself....just because I was happy. Well, my dad was none too pleased by this abnormal giggling. "Why are you laughing?! Stop laughing right now!" The more upset he got, the more I laughed. I couldn't help myself. It was just funny. Well, he was so ticked that he didn't talk to me the entire next day....including the flight home. It's one of those moments that we still bring up, much to his dismay, and laugh over quite hysterically.

When we were kids and my dad was a patrolman, he did a lot of midnight shifts. Well, he'd bring home all sorts of things...including monkey brains. Not real monkey brains, but my brother and I didn't know that. They're the fruit from some weird tree here and they actually look like small brains. Hence, monkey brains. It warped me from an early age.

We went on a trip one year with my dad's parents to Gettysburg. We were oohing and aahing as we drove through town and all of a sudden my grandmother says, "Hey, look! A donut shop!" Out of everything we could possibly see in Gettysburg, she points out the donut shop. Apparently, my daughter takes after her.

I had about ten billion hamsters. And I think they were all named Buttercup.

When I graduated college I thought it would be such fun to get a small parrot. We had had parrots growing up and I was a big fan of birds. Until I got this one. Sunny, the Sun Conure. Who just happened to HATE women. Seriously despised. He was devil spawn, I tell you. Anyway, one morning as I was getting ready to go to work teaching kindergarten, I tried to pick him up to get him back in his cage. Well, Sunny wanted no part of this and leaped from the cage and attached himself firmly to my left nostril. One half of the beak inside my nose, one half outside. I couldn't get the little s**t off to save my life. (I still have strong feelings of animosity toward this bird, can you tell?!) Finally, I pried him off and had to go to work with a bandaid on my nose while applying an ice pack. Try explaining that to a group of 5 year olds. Sunny was so aggressive toward me that if Dan and I were sitting on the sofa, the bird would jump off Dan's shoulder, run across the back of the sofa to bite me, and then run back to Dan. Seriously. Devil spawn, I tell you.

And now, I'm off to watch Mall Cop. Because I can.

xoxoxoxo to you all. =)

Things That Bother My Children.

2010-09-09T00:49:00.004-04:00

I cant help it, I'm a mom and you're just going to have to put up with my snippets of conversation with my kids. Or you don't. Really, it's your call and that's fine either way. But these gems are the quirky things that bother my kids and make them uniquely themselves. And they make me laugh...not out loud at the kids of course, but inside where they can't hear the chuckles. (Don't tell Dan, because I am certain there's some sort of mental health diagnosis for that.)

Ready?

- Belly shirts. Hugely disturbing to the boys that their sister can wear a shirt that doesn't cover her bellybutton. They insisted that daddy had dressed her in clothes that don't fit....again. When an explanation was attempted, the 6 year old put his hand up and said, "Stop, just stop. I don't care what you say about them, I find those shirts highly inappropriate and disturbing. And also, I'm very glad boys don't have to wear them." Point taken.

- Food that may or may not have been touched, breathed on or looked at by someone else. If they don't know for sure, they're not touching it. Except for the toddler....she'll grab the food right off your plate and run away squealing with laughter. She has issues, apparently.

- Skip counting songs. Drives them up the wall. "That song is like torture to my ears."

- Dog eye boogies. Okay, really, they gross me out too.

- Chocolate milk that isn't chocolatey enough. "Why should I even bother drinking it? It just looks and tastes like milk that someone didn't care enough about to give it the chocolate attention it needed." Sometimes I just have no words after they come out with things like that.

- Naps. Forget it, unless they've been running for the last three hours, there is no way they're going to sleep. And that includes the toddler these days....gosh darn it.

- Being too hot/being too cold. One son wears shorts all year long...even when we had Snowmageddon in February...he was wearing shorts inside. One son wears hooded sweatshirts and sweatpants as soon as the temperature drops below 80. The toddler just wants to wear what she wants.

And there's more for some other time, but I'm exhausted and have to make 4 dozen muffins at 6am. Oy.

Joy is...

2010-09-06T22:45:00.002-04:00

...a sleep filled night.

...the right song at just the right time.

...a Bible verse that soothes the soul.

...a 2 year old squeezing your cheeks and saying, "I love you, Mommy!"

...a 6 year old who crosses out his name on a note that you give him that says "I love you, Gabe" and writes your name in the place of his before he hands it back.

...an 8 year old who wraps his arms around your waist and says, "You rock, Mom. I love you."

...an apple orchard on a cool fall day.

...good memories from childhood.

...little reminders of love.

...soup that warms you to your soul.

...laughing so hard with your husband that you have tears streaming down your face.

...being a mess and still being accepted.

...getting a great email from a friend a continent away.

...staying connected to family no matter how far away they are.

...watching the kids race their grandparents on Mario Cart with smiles the size of the moon.

...going to bed before the next day begins.

...being reminded every once in awhile about the things you forget.

...spending time with those who need you, even if they don't know how to tell you.

...children who fall asleep right away.

...hearing squeals of excitement from the kids when Daddy comes home.

...seeing the world in pictures.

...being held.

...feeling at home in church.

...God's grace.

...recipes from Mom.

...laughing with Dad.

...parents who stand by you.

...patience when you need it most.

...writing for the fun of it.

A Busy Week

2010-09-05T20:02:00.002-04:00

What a busy week it's been! The kids started co-op last Monday and had a blast. In fact, they've been lamenting all day that they don't have it tomorrow. "Can't we just reschedule Labor Day?!" Yep, it was that awesome for them. The oldest loved fencing the most, the youngest son loved art (which was a surprise for me!) and the youngest loved playing with new toys and making new friends. It's a blessing to have them love it that much.

Tuesday my parents left to go home to their tiny island and face the damage that the hurricane left in its wake. Not fun. They finally got power back today, so they can clear out the pool that looks like a lagoon. Unfortunately, there's another hurricane on its way, so keep them in your prayers.

They did, however, BOTH get iPhones before they left. And while they assured me that there's no way they'll become as addicted to them as I am to mine.....I can't wait to see how they are when they come up at Christmas time. By then the iPhone addiction will have a strong hold on them, I'm sure. (Deny it all you want, Mom, but just wait!)

Wednesday we celebrated a birthday (not mine) and the cake I made was truly atrocious. It was supposed to look like a Lego brick, but ended up looking like deformed boobs. What can I say? I did NOT get the cake decorating gene apparently.

Thursday we were going to go to our other co-op, but went out to find that someone had thrown a beer bottle and smashed the side window in the van. Needless to say, driving around with the kids in the van was not an option. So, we did our work at home and cleaned up the mess and didn't worry much about it. The van looked very ghetto with its trash bag and duct tape covering, if I do say so myself.

On Friday, the van was fixed by the mobile glass guys and they did a great job. Very, very nice guys. I highly recommend them if you're in the area.

Yesterday, we headed off to Highland Orchards and picked apples for the first time this fall. It was great fun and an absolutely perfect day. I think the high was 78 degrees (F) or something and it was beautifully sunny. I'll add some pictures to flickr for you to see. We ended up with something crazy like 40 pounds of apples, but have no fear, they'll be gone before they rot. It was a truly beautiful day and God's hand was in all that we did.

Church today was amazing. Just a great sermon, great fellowship and great prayers. We have such a small congregation and have known one another for so long, that it is truly like family. My Sunday school teachers now teach my children, the kids I babysat for are now grown-up and one is a college professor at Fordham University (I babysat them when I was, like, 3 years old....because you know there's no way I could be old enough to have been the babysitter for someone who is now a college professor!). I love my church. I love the messages every week that God is love, loving and lovable. I love the pews and the stained glass windows and the organ and the stone and...well, everything about it really. It feels like home. And it's good to have places like that.

I also got to go to Target....by myself. Expect snow.

A busy week, but a good week despite some crazy, unexpected things. God's grace has been abundant, unfailing and absolutely breathtaking. A good week indeed.

Telling.

2010-08-30T21:57:00.002-04:00

And tonight, I am just resting in the silence of children who had a fantastic first day at their co-op. And eating cupcakes.

Nothing profound. Just....breathing.

But maybe that's the most telling thing of all.

A Game Called WWF.

2010-08-29T23:48:00.005-04:00

I know what you're thinking when you see WWF, but trust me it's not a wrestling game that I secretly play when no one's watching. Although, can you imagine if it was? How funny would that be! No, no....it's a word game that I have on my iPhone. An Apple app that is horribly addicting and tons of fun...even if I lose most of the time.

The part about this app that makes it so much fun is that you play with random, total strangers for the most part. That means, that you never who you'll be playing with or where they'll be from. I've played with people in Australia, England, Scotland, the U.S. and probably other places, but I just didn't know it. It's fun to make the world a little smaller by making connections with those who you wouldn't normally meet.

Now, unlike most WWF players, I'm chatty. I can't help myself really. I'm insatiably curious about who I'm playing with. Why? Well, because everyone has a story. Everyone is unique and intriguing in their own way. And that's fun to discover.

I've played with a truck driver from the south who has a gaggle of grandkids, a businessman from a nearby state who was able to give us great vacation advice this summer, a college student from Sydney, a funny and amazingly sweet mom and teacher from England who reads my blog (God bless you woman!), a Southern gent who generously worked with me on an article for (quite literally) hours! and who I can talk scripture with as easy as anything else, a hard-working man in California who spends his waking hours making supplies for his wife's roller derby team (and beating me consistently at every game, thank you very much), and a guy in Scotland who laughs that I get drunk on a half-glass of wine. Everyone has their own story and it's fun to get to know snippets of their lives. Because, even though the information we share is rather vague, it's fun to learn about people.

I find it intensely exciting to see who God places in my path through this game. As I've said before, I think there is purpose in even the most random of things.

I also play with my younger brother....and am happy to say that I have won every game so far. For those of you who know my WWF skills, that's a shocker, I know.

So, if you see me focused on a game, if I smile when I get a message that it's my turn to play....it's because those connections to those formerly unknown names are now connections to friends. People who inquire about my day as readily as I inquire about theirs. People who are leaving fingerprints in my life, on my heart and on my soul.

It's funny how a word game can connect people, if you let it.

Elusive Peace.

2010-08-28T20:14:00.003-04:00

Sometimes peace is so elusive. A rough week, little sleep and being sick don't help in the least. And sometimes, when everything except peace threatens to overwhelm me, I find I just stop. Stop eating. Stop breathing. Stop looking where I need to look.

And I just wait.

Wait for what I don't really know. A sign. A verse. Comfort. Peace. Anything to soothe a restless and tired soul that feels trampled and achy.

Sometimes it comes in songs. Sometimes it comes in notes from friends. Sometimes it comes in a chat with my mom. Sometimes it comes from seeing an old friend in an unexpected place at the perfect time. Sometimes it comes from driving fast. Sometimes it comes from a hug.

But it always comes from prayer.

Not the busy, rushed prayer where I try to cram my words in to what I think I should be saying. The prayer where I simply be and ask for peace and healing. It's the hardest prayer, because it requires totally letting go. And that's not easy.

One of my favorite things to do is let my Bible just fall open and read verses. Today I had quite a few. The one I read right before starting to type this? "O man greatly beloved, fear not, peace be with you; be strong and of good courage." Daniel 10:19. Perfect.

And a song I heard on the way to ice cream today...

For those of you viewing on your iPhone, iPad or other non-Flash friendly device, here's the link to the YouTube video...By Your Side.

Peace to you. To all of us.

2010-08-27T19:18:00.002-04:00

After some weeks, I just need a good cry.

Bleh.

Need vs. Needy.

2010-08-27T00:25:00.003-04:00

I'm a fairly independent person, I would say. Although I love the company of my family, I have always been one to feel comfortable being alone. While other kids played outside, I would read books. While college friends went out partying, I was content to spend a quiet night in with a friend or two. I just feel comfortable in my own skin....usually.

Lately, with all of my ramblings about connections and such, I got to thinking....about the difference between needing something and being needy. I think they're two entirely different things, really. Needing something, like air, is just natural. If you want to breathe, you need air. Being needy is wanting an oxygen tank to make sure you don't run out.

While I need things, I'm not needy. Does that make sense? Because if you get nothing else from this post, that's the most important point. I need you to understand that. Ha! The irony.

Continuing with the air analogy...I'll take the air when and how I can get it, enjoy it, relish it, and take pleasure in the fact that I can breathe. And trust me, after feeling like I couldn't breathe this summer, I delight in the fact that I can and don't want to lose that. But, I don't want to bottle it up, stuff it into a neat container and transport it around with me, always afraid that I'll find myself without it. What fun would that be? None, I tell you, and breathing is a lot of fun...and necessary. So, give me the raw, natural, unfiltered air every time, thank you very much.

If all of the air suddenly runs out, it runs out. There's not much I can do about that, because it's out of my control and I refuse to live in fear of things I cannot control. Or at least, that's what I tell myself while working toward actually getting fully to that point. I'm working on it. But really, besides Al Gore, who can see the future of the earth's atmosphere? Not me, so I will just keep breathing and laughing. I will enjoy it, have fun breathing it in and letting it out, and delight in the oxygen rush to the cells in my body.

Need is good. Being needy is more trouble than it's worth. And I want life to be good. Also another important point.

Let me summarize: Girl, who is not needy, enjoys needing...and rambling aimlessly. I swear this blog makes me just throw out my thoughts in the most random ways. And just to clear up any other confusion or possible misunderstandings, no, I don't think any of you are needy in the least.

TIP: If air is not your thing, please substitute cupcakes, chocolate or coffee (just not Starbucks - blech!) into the analogy. For example....while I need cupcakes with sprinkles and enjoy them fully when I am devouring them, I am not carrying the oven and recipe around with me. Got it? Need cupcakes, not obsessively needy over cupcakes. (Although, this may be a bad example, because I can really see becoming obsessively needy over cupcakes...)

Happy Friday!

Electric, Food, and Sleep. In That Order.

2010-08-26T00:06:00.005-04:00

So, I have resorted to calling a local electrician that I tweet with on Twitter (say that 5 times fast). He's supposed to be coming out Thursday afternoon and after I get done remortgaging the house to pay for his services, I'm hopeful that I'll be able to use the toaster oven once again. You know it's a bad sign when you explain the problem, then there's a long pause, and the words, "That really doesn't sound good."

Goodbye, savings account. I will miss you dearly.

I'll be sure to keep you informed. I know you're just dying to find out when I can use my dishwasher again. And my washing machine. And the television. And the overhead lights in the dining room and living room. And Shae's air conditioner. And the front porch light. And the treadmill. Because it makes sense that they'd all go out at the same time, right? Without tripping the breaker. Any breaker. Scary, I know. Please pray for an easy and inexpensive fix. I'm thinking maybe something in the $100 range would be awesome....and a complete fantasy. Oi.

I would have scheduled someone to come today, but alas, we spent the day at Shady Maple. It sounds like a rest home, doesn't it? You know, with the number of senior citizens there today, it could quite easily qualify as one. (Sorry, Mom.)

Actually, it's a giant smorgasboard of Pennsylvania Dutch food with some Chicken Parm and pizza thrown in. It's reasonably priced if you like to gorge yourself. I'm a sucker for their breakfasts, but I don't usually eat all that much for lunch. Of course, I do make sure I sample the shoo-fly pie and homemade peach bread. The kids were thrilled with the soup today....and the ice cream.

Shae decided at one point that she needed to use the bathroom, so I took her out of the highchair and she very loudly announced her departure to our table....and the surrounding ones. In fact, she was so loud that the people at the table next to us turned around and started chatting with her....and staring at me....presumably for having a very excited and vocal 2 year old. The gentleman with the hearing aide did not seem to be bothered, but the man without one couldn't help but chuckle. She's a very enthusiastic child.

Of course, when we returned, and she loudly announced that she had gone to the bathroom in the potty, she was greeted with congratulations by my aunts and great-aunts, as well as the table next to us. Adorable, in a just-learning-to-go-potty sort of way.

After lunch I took the kids down to the play area while my mom and aunts chatted. There was a non-working, but fully climbable ice cream truck ride. It had a sign on the side that read "Mr. Softy's Delicious Ice Cream." There's just something not right about that. Seriously..."Mr. Softy"? That's just wrong. I took a picture so you could marvel at the sheer inappropriateness of advertising Mr. Softy's delicious anything on a children's ride too. Don't worry, you don't have to thank me. After the dead animal pictures, this one is quite tame.

While I am feeling a bit better, two hours of driving and no nap have left me useless for the night. I cannot wait to li down. So, even with work left unfinished for the day, I'm off to bed before 1am. It's going to snow, I know. And I'll probably regret my decision to not keep working when I stare at the enormous list of writing left undone in the morning. But right now, I'm following the advice of Matthew 11:28 and letting go.

Yawn.

A Day. Or Maybe Not.

2010-08-25T00:37:00.000-04:00

When half of the house's electricity was out this morning and the coffee pot outlet was affected, I knew it was going to be A Day. Added to the fact that I came down with a fever last night and have felt rotten all day, the lack of a call back from the electrician and no power to the microwave just compounded the issue.

However, there were definitely some funny moments...

like when my mom excitedly pointed out a Trifecta of Geek Squad vehicles in the Best Buy parking lot. See the flickr thumbnail to the right or click on my flickr page for a larger view. Anyway, a Trifecta. Pointed out by my mother. That, in and of itself, was hysterical. The fact that there was a Geek Squad truck parked next to a Geek Squad van parked next to a Geek Squad Beetle was also enough to dissolve me into laughter. If only you could have seen us....driving around trying to get a shot of the Geek Squad vehicles for you. Seriously funny.

And then when we were driving home the boys kept teasing that the truck two cars in front of us had dead animals in the back. My mother and I, being the practical women we are and knowing that no one in their right mind would be driving around town with dead animals in the back of their truck, said, "Boys, don't say another word. That's not nice and I don't like how you're talking." That is, until we got closer to the truck and saw that the enormous piles of stuff in the back were actually GIANT dead animals. We're still not sure if they were deer or cattle....or some mutant species. You can check out the flickr thumbnail for that one too. In fact, enlarge it and let me know what you think they are. My mom tried very hard to snap a shot as we were driving, but the car in front of us wouldn't get out of our way. We contemplated, okay I contemplated, following it around until we could get a good shot for you, but there was milk in the car. Maybe next time. Because those things happen so frequently around here, you see. No, not really. Thank heavens.

And despite me being sick and not having coffee with cream (blech), the kids were really amusing. That's worth its weight in gold.

And then there were some really awesome moments....

like when Dan came home tonight and brought me medicine and water, because my temperature was almost 101. That's good. And much needed.

And then a friend sent me a Bible verse....Matthew 11:28. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I can't even begin to tell you how absolutely perfect that verse was tonight. I think sometimes I'm so assured that I'll find the right verse that I forget that God puts other people in my life to share them with me too. Tonight was a good reminder of that. So, thank you, friend-who-shall-remain-nameless, but you know who you are.

And finally, a good conversation and connection with an old friend who definitely cheered me up and made me laugh. It was most excellent.

So, as I sit, yawning over the fact that I am still not done working at 12:30 in the morning and that a 6 year old has taken over my half of the bed already, I can't help but think that the day ended on a very nice and much needed note. Thanks to all who participated.

Indulgence.

2010-08-23T15:45:00.003-04:00

We had orientation today for our co-op and the kids did surprisingly well. It was an hour of information for parents, but the kids got to meet their teachers. Well, most of them. The fencing and dance teachers weren't there, but we'll meet them next week.

Next week when I drop all 3 kids off for the entire day.

Let me repeat that - the kids will be gone ALL day. ALL DAY. It's a little hard to fathom. A whole day, alone, without the kids. I'm insanely excited and feeling slightly guilty about the whole thing. While I'll be spending the day working, it just feels...indulgent. An entire day to myself. Lordy. I'll either get a ton of work done or absolutely nothing at all.

We have another co-op on Thursdays, but I have to remain there with them. They're just as excited about it and I would be too if I wasn't dreading the traffic in the morning. Bleh. BUT, it will be good to get out of the house and see other adults. Forget socialization issues for homeschooled kids, it's the moms who don't get much! (That's the dirty little homeschooling secret, btw. Our kids have a ton of socialization - WE don't.).

Here's hoping your Monday is going well and that your back to school experience is just as indulgent as mine.

The 'rents.

2010-08-22T23:28:00.003-04:00

So, my parents are up visiting for the next week and a half. They arrived late Thursday night and it's hard to believe that they've already been here a few days. Before we know it they'll be off again, which is sad indeed.

Their home is on a small island in the Carribbean where the iguanas probably outnumber the people. We started visiting there over twenty years ago and it has just always felt like home. When they decided to retire there 11 years ago it was the natural choice. We don't get down to see them nearly as often as we'd like, but they come up at least three times a year.

In those in between times we talk on the phone, email, Skype and play mad rounds of MarioKart with them on the Wii. Technology is a wonderful way to stay connected. The boys especially love playing them remotely on the Wii. It makes for fierce competition...and lots of laughs.

This week, in between co-op orientations and conference calls, we'll be hanging out with them. A trip to Shady Maple will be thrown in, along with a handful of trips to BJs and every other store in the county, I'm sure. But that's just fine, because no matter how we spend the time, there is always a lot of laughter.

And that's the best part about being a family.

Mom Gone Wild.

2010-08-22T08:39:00.003-04:00

I did the most exciting thing last night. It was called "go shopping at Target all by myself"! Now, for those of you without kids or who don't normally go shopping with 3 small children in tow...let me just say that this was super exciting. Did you know they actually have carts that don't take a CDL to drive?! It was thrilling!

And, as if simply being there wasn't exciting enough, I did something truly indulgent. I browsed! At clothes, nonetheless! I know, I felt like I should have been in Moms Gone Wild or something. Did you know there are all sorts of wonderfully comfortable looking clothes out there? It's true!

I ended up with a couple new tank tops for lounging and a shirt that's called a Boyfriend Tee. Now, the only reason I can think that it might be called that is because it has a small little pocket at heart level that's big enough for a condom packet. Yes, I did just type that. And no, my daughter will never wear a such a shirt.

While my purchases amount to school uniforms for the kids' co-ops and vacuum cleaner bags, simply being able to browse, alone, was delightful. I highly recommend it!

A 45-minute shower, a good book and a small bowl of chocolate ice cream were the perfect end to a relatively restful day.

What I Need.

2010-08-20T21:22:00.003-04:00

Another stressful, sleepless week is over (or just about) and as I sit staring blankly at the to-do list that's a mile long for next week, I'm beginning to think about the things I need. Okay, the things I really want. Alright let's not mince words, the things I would love to have if I wasn't dreaming. Of course, I've decided to share. Lucky you.

1. A quiet vacation. Alone. At the beach.
Like I said in the above disclaimer, this I know, is a dream of gargantuan proportions. However, I may be able to accomplish the last part, only with 3 kids and a husband in tow. For some reason, I just don't think that's going to have the same effect.

2. A massage by someone who is not wildly hot, 22 years old and named Sven.
That says massage, not message. Although a message or a massage would both be lovely. I may reconsider the Sven part if he's got really good hands and is blind. Just sayin'.

3. A good book.
Something that I can sink into and get lost in for days. Preferably on said dream number one.

4. A long soak in a hot tub.
While at dream one and after dream two with dream three in hand.

5. Cupcakes.
Enough said.

6. Sleep. Uninterrupted.
Like I said, these are dreams.

And that is all.

Donations are welcome to the "save my sanity" fund at any time. Please send them in the form of cup cakes...or an all-inclusive vacation package with airfare. (Hey, it doesn't hurt to put that...you never know...Sandals or Betty Crocker could be reading this. Wave, wave! Pick me, pick me!)

Pictures. I'm Trying.

2010-08-20T01:49:00.003-04:00

I've been trying to get over my complete distaste for pictures of myself. Really, I detest them. So, every day I hand one of the older two kids my phone and tell them to snap a picture. It doesn't always work out so well. Yesterday, there was picture of my boob (in my shirt, thank you very much), today there was a picture of half of my head. But we're getting there.

It's not that I don't like pictures, because I'm actually a big fan of snapshots....just not of me. I never have been. Ever. But I'm trying.

I'd rather shoot pictures of Geek Squad cars and pastries and funny movies (have you seen the Mall Cop photo? Mall cops on Segways are sexy....Ok, it's like 2am, give me a break, I'm drunk on cranberry juice - straight, no ice). Anyway, I'd rather take those photos because they make me smile while the ones of myself make me cringe.

But I'm trying.

So, while my photos may be more cupcakes and bike locks and traffic jams, they're still me. Not of me (obviously), but by me. And I like to share them with all of you, because they're snippets of my life.

And now, I really must go to bed before I ramble on any more and people start jeering at me. Or is it on me? Or is it just jeering? Where's Mimi when I need her?!

A Swedish Proverb.

2010-08-18T23:44:00.002-04:00

Tucked under photos and drawings by the kids, I found a small green post-it note in Frances' handwriting. On it was a Swedish proverb that she had copied for me about two and a half years ago, when I was pregnant with Shaelyn. I distinctly remember her giving it to me, but I couldn't remember putting it on the refrigerator or how it actually caught my eye yesterday. But it did. And it brought back a flood of memories of moments. The kind of moments when you remember exactly where you were, what you were wearing, and the sounds, sights and smells around you...all in vivid detail. I find that when those moments are happening, I know I'll remember them, but can't really tell you why they, over all other moments, are significant at the time.

But this small, green Post-it note brought memories just like that.

In her handwriting are the words:

"Fear less, hope more.
Eat less, chew more.
Whine less, breathe more.
Talk less, say more.
Hate less, love more
and all good things are yours."

In my busy life, I find comfort and wisdom in those words.

Fear less, hope more. Fearing less is not being fearless and barging ahead of reason and wisdom, it's more a chance to let go. A chance to enjoy life without worry. Hope more. Without worry there is no reason not to hope.

Eat less, chew more. Not really much that needs to be said there. I find jalapenos help you eat less, because after a few you lose all feeling and end up not wanting to add to the third degree burns on the roof of your mouth. Although, I'm not sure if chewing them for a long time is all that wise either....

Whine less, breathe more. Stop complaining and worrying and just breathe. Have you ever felt unable to breathe? Not so much because of an injury or accident or the God-awful humidity, but simply because you've been so stressed? I hadn't ever felt that until this summer. For the first time I simply couldn't catch my breath, couldn't quite get enough air. And it's frightening to feel helpless in that place. So, breathe more....a mantra I'm taking to heart.

Talk less, say more. Hush, and just listen to the silence. Although I've gotten much better at listening as I've gotten older, I find it hard to be still in the silence. My husband has the silence thing down pat. He can just sit there for an hour waiting for someone to talk, but that's the therapist in him. Me? I'm learning, but have a ways to go.

Hate less, love more. Hate is a vile word and one that I don't like to use very often. I'd almost rather change the saying to "Forgive more, love more", but I'm neither Swedish nor the author of the proverb, so I'll leave it be. Love more....definitely. Loving more is a joy. From handing out bike locks to stopping to see someone who was broken down on the side of the road needed help (don't worry, I was driving, Dan was offering assistance....which the guy refused, but was appreciative for the offer). Loving more this summer also means taking the time to visit Chester, having been there to hold Frances' hand and rest my head on her leg, laughing with my mom about family vacations, building sand castles over and over again on the beach before Shae-zilla destroyed them, taking two classes on dyslexia so I can help the boys read, and finding humor in ordinary pictures of cupcakes and those darn Geek Squad vehicles that seem to follow me everywhere. Loving is about enjoying and cherishing what's in front of you and what God brings into your life at the most unexpected moments. Just like hating and anger and unforgiveness are a choice, so too is loving.

And with these things all good things are yours.

Thanks for the reminder, Frances. Miss you.

Some Useless Stuff (with a dash of humor on the side).

2010-08-17T23:42:00.006-04:00

Poor Gabe woke up to a lost voice and lots of congestion. An afternoon doctor's visit yielded the pink Amoxicillin stand-by and a trio of Mr. Potato Head stickers. And two creepy guys at the doctor's office who kept chatting up Shae. Back away from my daughter, misters, or I WILL take you down.

Seriously, what kind of crazy person tells a 2 year old who they're not related to, or KNOW for that matter, to come give them a kiss?!? If you're the Hangman playing type, I'm thinking of a word that's 7 letters, begins with a P, ends with a T and has E, R and V in the middle.

Unfortunately, the pink bubblegum atrocity, also known as, an antibiotic did nothing for Gabe except make him throw up tonight. Nice. Poor kid is still in there wheezing away with a hot pad on his chest, a vaporizer by his bed and a slathering of Vicks Vapo Rub so thick I'm getting loopy from a room and a half away.

I hate when the kids are sick. I'd rather be sick for them and hear them laughing and playing. The random bursts of screaming I can do without, but laughing and singing is fine. Although, if Shae sings The B-I-B-L-E one more time I think my head just might explode. Fair warning.

Well, onto other useless news...the kids came back to get the bike locks around 8 tonight after they were finished with football practice. There were 4 of them who needed locks, so I was glad I had picked up a couple extra. You could have heard a pin drop when one of them asked me, "Do, you like, make bike locks or something? Is that why you have them?" and I replied, "No, I bought them for you so your bikes don't get stolen." In that moment I had four big, dumbfounded young teen boys standing on my doorstep. Imagine, some woman they don't even know buying them bike locks simply because they need them. It had to be a first for them. Then huge smiles broke out, followed by "wows" and "thank yous" and "I really appreciate this". One even asked me to show him how to work the combination lock. Imagine that. Good times. All they need now are bike helmets.

Although, it did make me wonder...do I really look so handy that I could actually MAKE a metal chain and bike lock? Really? Because if I do, someone really needs to tell me. I could be missing out on a calling I didn't even know I had.

Speaking of callings...I think I hear my bed calling for company...or it may just be the echo of Kato snoring. It's hard to tell sometimes.

Question of the day: Cut it or let it grow?
My hair is getting long again...mid-way down my back long which is good for the curls, but not so good for the heat...can't decide whether I should get it cut or keep it long. Although, truthfully, by the time I manage to actually GET to the salon it could be down to my lower back - so keep that in mind when responding.

P.S. - Yes, Mom, I think it's a FABULOUS idea to go to WDW next summer. Just in case you missed my response in the last post, because I wouldn't want you to think we don't want to go. ;-)

Irony.

2010-08-16T23:30:00.002-04:00

Things I find ironic...

1. I have mad mind-reading skills...except when I actually NEED them. Then I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about and feel like throwing my hands up to say, "What the heck are you trying to tell me?!!"

2. There are more views on my cupcake pictures than on the fruit salad one.

3. My dog weighs as much as a human being and would rip someone apart if they tried to harm us, but if it's thunderstorming - forget it, we're on our own.

4. My children have been to the Virgin Islands multiple times, but have never been to Disney World.

5. Cranberry juice makes my hyper. Really hyper.

Jinxed.

2010-08-16T09:16:00.001-04:00

Apparently I spoke too soon about everyone feeling better, because now all 3 kids are sick. And they've shared with me. Lovely.

And a happy Monday to you as well.

Just an Everyday Kind of Weekend.

2010-08-15T22:51:00.003-04:00

It was a productive weekend filled with lots of work and lots of snuggles. We knew Gabe was feeling better on Saturday morning when we awoke to him laughing - loudly! - in the hallway at 5:30. That boy only has one volume and it's LOUD. When he didn't make hardly any noise on Friday, we knew he wasn't feeling well. But by Saturday, he was fine (and back to being loud!) and Shaelyn was adamant that she too was feeling much better. Thank heavens!

Dan took the kids with him to his mom's house on Saturday morning, so I could work. A blessing indeed! Out of the 53 articles that I wanted to get done this weekend, all but 8 of them are now completed. Since the other ones don't have deadlines until the end of the week, I'm thrilled. Here's hoping that my eyes find sleep before 2am every single night this week!

Saturday night found me relaxing while watching Cops and eating popcorn. Yep, really.

After church this morning I napped with Shaelyn and awoke to find it raining. The kids slipped on their flip flops and made a mad dash for the front door where we stood watching them as they jumped in puddles and ran around like crazy. The rule of the house is that playing in the rain is a given unless there's thunder and lighting. Today's rain was soft and warm; a perfect summer rain for playing in the puddles.

Back inside for a Sesame Street movie and a dose of Veggie Tales they went, while I hopped on the treadmill for a run. This time I remembered to shut the "Shake to Shuffle" option off the iPod before the run, so it was much easier to actually listen to music. Imagine that.

Then bedtime saw an ample amount of snuggles with the kids. They look so sweet - and QUIET - when they're asleep. Quiet is NEVER a word we can claim to have in our house, so we appreciate the hours of silence when they occur and cherish the sound of their voices when they're awake (and after we've started the coffee iv drip for the day).

Nothing too exciting, but sometimes those are the best weekends of all.

The Moments.

2010-08-13T21:52:00.002-04:00

Today was filled with a lot of good moments despite the fact that two out of three kids are sick and I didn't get to bed until 2am last night (or this morning, as the case may be). Nonetheless, good things happened that weren't all that big, but they were the type of moments that fill your soul. Moments of blessing.

The first part of the story began on Wednesday, really. We had just come home from a day out and two kids were riding by on a bike on their way to the P.A.L. Center. We live directly across the street from the center, so we have kids coming and going all day long throughout the summer. There's actually a Memorial Park with a real tank and other war memorabilia between the center and our street, but it's as close to across the street as you can get.

One of them stopped and asked if he could hide his bike in and behind our evergreen. Now, we find A LOT of bikes hidden in our trees and shrubs and for a long time thought that people were stealing them and putting them back there. Turns out that the P.A.L. Center kids have been trying to hide them so that they DON'T get stolen. You would think that if you leave your bike at the POLICE Athletic League Center that it would be relatively safe. Apparently, that is not the case.

So, I told him to go ahead and hide the bike but to come and see me the next day and I'd have a lock for him for the bike. I actually got 4 locks, one for him that I kept back and 3 extras that we dropped off at the center in case others needed them. Yesterday came and went and no one stopped by. Well, around dinner time tonight the front door bell rang and there he was standing on my front steps looking completely unsure. Three of his friends were on their bikes on the sidewalk looking equally as nervous.

But I was thrilled to see him and greeted him with an excited, "I have something for you!" The look on his face, on the faces of his friends, was priceless. He thanked me and walked down the steps in shock that I had actually gotten him a bike lock. The others just stared and he said, "Don't worry, we can use this to lock up all of our bikes."

Which made me just stare. And blurt out, "Come back tomorrow. I'll have locks for all of you."

Their wide eyes and slightly disbelieving stares flipped my heart. "You're a real nice lady," one of them said softly. It doesn't matter to them that their bikes are old and beat up with cushioning coming out of the seats....they're their bikes and the only way they've been able to hang on to them is to hide them in my trees and shrubs. And that's incredibly sad.

So, Aidan and I went out and bought 6 new bike locks and I have a feeling they'll be back tomorrow. And I wouldn't be surprised if others came along.

After the kids were in bed I headed over to see Chester at the nursing home. He and Frances were the residents I adopted without really telling them. I promised him last week that I'd come by today, but with two sick kids I couldn't go until Dan got home.

He greeted me with a, "Well, hello stranger!" and a smile that brightened my heart. We talked for an hour and a half, and for a man who doesn't like to talk much, that was A LOT for him! I got him talking about his wife, Annie, and his mom and sister. He told me about being drafted and how he was worried about his mom since he was the sole caretaker of the house after his dad died. He said he tried to get Annie to wait to marry him until after he was out of the service, because he didn't want her to be burdened with caring for him if he was injured or disabled. Annie refused and told him she didn't care, she was going to marry him before he went. Good for Annie, I said. His eyes twinkled and he chuckled with remembering. They got married in August at Mt. Carmel Church in Bridgeport and had a blind accordian player as the reception entertainment. He went on with good, happy memories for a long time.

And when it was time for me to go, I told him I'd be back next Friday morning with the kids and Suzy E Jo donuts. He said I didn't have to, that he knows I'm busy. I said I wanted to, that coming to see him makes me happy, because I love him. Well, his eyes filled up with tears and he waved me away as I kissed his cheek. "Get over it, Chester," I said. "I love you and am going to keep coming to see you." He laughed and said, "I know that even if I said don't come, you'd be here anyway to make me laugh." And I would, he's right.

Because those are the moments that fill my soul to overflowing. Kindness and love and connections....the best things ever.

Friday Photos.

2010-08-13T01:20:00.008-04:00

Because you've all just had too much of my introspection this week, I'm giving you some more photos from our Ocean City trip. ;-)

Enjoy!

The Source of Introspection.

2010-08-11T23:51:00.003-04:00

Apparently, my posts have been throwing some of you for a loop. Swirling emails and questions about whether or not I think you have been untruthful have been abundant today. Please, let me put your worries to rest. I do not think you've been dishonest in anything. The source of my introspection is quite simply....

Exhaustion and Grief.

I am so exhausted I don't even know what day it is. Copious amounts of caffeine have been the staple of my diet for the last two weeks and, quite honestly, I'm so jittery at some points during the day I have to sit down or fall over. 2am has become my normal bedtime, and since the children wake up at 5:30-6:00, I get about 4 hours of sleep each night. Let me assure you that 4 hours of sleep is NOT a good thing.

There are things that I miss about sleeping. Like my pillow and having my eyes closed in rest rather than irritation because someone has decided to put marker all over my slipcovered sofa. And then there's those glorious silky sheets. I vaguely remember them, but...only vaguely.

Sleep. It's a long lost friend. And the lack of it is the muse that leads to wild ramblings on my blog in the wee hours of the morning.

And then there's grief.

Did I tell you I was playing back old messages on the answering machine and came across one from Frances? Do you know what she said at the end of her message? She said, "I love you and I'll be watching for you." Shattered my heart into a million pieces all over again.

I know it may not make sense to you why her death would affect me so much, but it did. It does. As horrible as it may seem to say I'm used to saying goodbye; it's true. I've had plenty of practice with working at the nursing home. I've said my fair share of goodbyes and kissed my fair share of foreheads over labored breaths and unresponsive eyelids. And I wouldn't trade those moments, no matter how hard they were, for an instant.

But with her....well, she was MY Frances. She wrote to me almost every week, sent me copies of the newsletter, kept me up to date on the gossip, and called me just to say hello. And though she was never one to show or speak a lot about her emotions....she always told me she loved me and how much I meant to her.

So, if I'm being too introspective, too disjointed in my thoughts and too philosophical in my posts....that's why.

No apologies.
No accusations.
No judgments.

Nothing beside me reaching out, searching for a connection to help curb the exhaustion and stem the flow of grief. Because ever bit of connection helps do that. Renews my energy, makes me smile and gets me through the day, or night as the case may be.

So, don't worry. I know you're who you say you are.

I'm just trying to figure out who I am at the moment.

Online.

2010-08-10T23:43:00.003-04:00

I heard the funniest song today and, although it's not recent, I hadn't heard it before. It's called Online by Brad Paisley and I've attached the video below, but you can also link to it here or search "Online Brad Paisley" on YouTube to find it. The official video is a riot!

Basically, the song is about someone who has exaggerated the truth about who he is and created an online persona based on what he thinks he should be...or would like to be as the video shows. Since I feel like I spend the majority of my life online these days it got me to thinking about the people I "know" online and how much what they've told me about themselves is true.

Now, to go back, keep in mind that I've been chatting online since the days of GEnie. I think GEnie was the first, or at least close to being one of the first online sites. It was the precursor to things like AOL. I'm sure that even then there were people lying about their identities, but I was too young and naive to know or really care.

I bring that up, because that experience also did something else. It started friendships with people I would have otherwise never met. And some of those friendships are closer now than they ever were. You may have seen Jer comment on my posts before. He's one of those people I "met" decades ago and who I still run to with questions and worries. A true friend, though I think we've only actually met, what, Jer? Once? Somehow, it just doesn't seem to matter, because we've talked a thousand times over throughout the years. And I know that if I truly needed his help, he'd be here, just like I would be for him.

So, when it comes to exaggerating and creating fake and phony personas online, I'm completely against it. I can tell you, from experience, that the best friendships grow from just being yourself. There's no need to be anyone than who you are. I would much rather find out your favorite food is sardines (God help you) than to be told it's Mexican, because it sounds like a better answer (can you tell I love Mexican food?).

I can also promise that the words you read, the things I tell you about myself are true. I have no reason to lie about being someone I'm not, because I learned from people like Jer, that the only friendships that can be sustained online are those that begin in truth. So, when I tell you I love old cars and had the best time driving them, it's the truth. When I say I've missed chatting with you, I have. And when I tell you that I cherish your friendship, I do, without a doubt.

And I hope that the things that you all tell me are equally as true. Because this online part of my life is just as real as what goes on outside of my Pentium processing, Windows Vista running Lenovo ThinkPad....and the iPhone that needs to be surgically removed from my hand. And the joy and pleasure I get from knowing you is felt just as deeply as if you were in the same room. And when you hurt and worry, so do I. It just doesn't matter to me that I haven't physically met you, because you are already important to me. It's that simple.

For me, some of my very best friends really do live in my computer.

Now go watch the video....it will crack you up! xoxoxo

How NOT to Fix a Circuit Breaker

2010-08-10T21:18:00.003-04:00

While I was in the middle of cooking dinner (and no, you didn't read that wrong...I was cooking), the entire house lost power. Power outage, we thought after Dan made his way to the electrical box and declared everything ship shape. So, we took the kids out to dinner, because, really, it was like 100 degrees today and without air conditioning....that stinks. We left, fully anticipating that the power would be restored upon our arrival.

Alas, it was not.

I called the power company, reported the outage and was informed a mere 30 minutes later that there was indeed power to our house. Lovely. By this time the kidlets were in bed and two of the three were fast asleep. I made my way down into the basement and proceeded to flip all of the switches myself...except for the top one...also known as the main breaker...because I couldn't get it to budge.

Now, here is where the "don't ever do this unless you're a professional electrician" part comes in. Pay attention.

I thought, perhaps, if I removed the entire covering for the panel I would somehow magically see what was not working and be able to fix it. This, apparently, was not a smart move.

Suffice it to say that when my younger, taller and obviously stronger brother arrived on the scene, he was aghast. In one swift motion he was able to shut off the main breaker and reset it....effectively restoring power to the house and taking business away from our electrician (who is, unfortunately for us, currently vacationing in Florida). After restoring power, said younger brother gave me a well-deserved talking to about NOT taking off the box cover unless I wanted to be found dead on the basement floor.

I deserved the lecture, but alas, it seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Perhaps I should add this to my post on being impulsive...

Acceptance.

2010-08-10T01:00:00.003-04:00

Acceptance is a powerful thing. It's rare to find it, completely and freely given. Prejudices, societal pressure, and an unhealthy need to conform to a norm, can all make it impossible to accept things, accept people, as they are.

Even in families and friendships acceptance isn't always a given. It should be, perhaps, but it isn't. And that's why the fear of rejection is a nagging voice inside our heads. We censor the letters we type, the words we speak, and the actions we take for fear of rejection.

And that fear then creates a barrier, a wall that few are trusted behind. We have our public persona and then the one that is really us. The public persona is usually the one that conforms to what society expects. The true self is the one that stays hidden.

So, what happens when you let someone in enough to see who you really are? Do they promise acceptance, but quietly find fault with you until they are once again on the other side of that wall you've built around yourself? Or do they truly accept you - without censure, without judgment, without rejection? What should happen? What does happen?

It depends on the person, doesn't it? Trusting enough to be accepted unconditionally isn't an easy thing for anyone. There's usually a knee-jerk reaction to hold back words, erase sentences and simply step back from the friendship. It's better to be silent than to be rejected. It's safer to stay away than to trust.

Except that...it really isn't.

Living life behind a facade of what you think people expect is not really living. It keeps you from growing and laughing and loving. And as I sit here in the early morning hours struggling with what to write next, I realize that this...these random thoughts and crazy musings are more the real me than not. Wildly random, slightly disjointed and vulnerable to scrutiny and, yes, to rejection.

But sometimes, sometimes it's worth taking that risk. It's a leap of faith when you don't really know why you're leaping or why you feel like you should. But sometimes, after taking the risk you realize exactly how much better life can be when you are simply you. No false pretenses, no held back words, no erased sentences.

Acceptance, from you, with no fear of rejection, is a gift that I cherish.

Pray for Sue.

2010-08-09T00:00:00.002-04:00

I have a friend named Sue who needs your prayers. She is an amazing woman - full of vibrant life and spiritual goodness and just plain kindness. She lives in England, which is quite a long way from Pennsylvania, but not so very far thanks to modern technology.

She's having surgery on Monday, August 9th and I know her well enough to know that behind that calm exterior is a bunch of nerves. I also know her well enough to know that she would be humbled and excited by your prayers for her safety and her surgeon's skill. So, I ask you to pray for her. If even just for a moment, lift her up in thought.

She'll feel it. She'll know. And we'll both appreciate your kindness.

Strength.

2010-08-07T18:26:00.004-04:00

Doing good for the right reasons isn't always a popular choice. You'd think it would be. But it's not always recognized for what it is. And that's a shame. What's sadder is when doing good, with kindness and compassion, is seen as weakness.

It's not.

Being kind, even when it's difficult, takes more strength of character than not. Kindness and compassion are never weaknesses. Afterall, that's what God tells us to do.

Kindness, love, compassion and understanding - these are the strengths of character that few possess. And it is an honor and blessing to have people like that in my life.

The Effects.

2010-08-05T20:02:00.002-04:00

It's been a weird day.

I'm feeling the effects of the loss of Frances, the fact that Dan has returned to work, being once again isolated from adult conversation and a never ending amount of work. It has caught up with me.

Frances' services were today, and as per usual, there was no way to escape the house without three children in tow. As it was scheduled for smack dab in the middle of nap time, and Shae had already demonstrated she needed one by having a screaming meltdown in the store, we didn't go. The boys said they'd go and sit quietly....as long as there were snacks after the service. Since I couldn't promise refreshments they quickly decided they'd rather not commit themselves to an hour of sitting still. They're 6 & 8...who can blame them. So, I snuggled with Shae while she napped and mourned. Sad times.

Today was also the day I was to head off to a conference in New York City by myself for four days. Honestly, I could care less about the conference and am not a big fan of the city (just ask Rick - poor guy probably still has the scars on his arm from my nails to prove it), but, Oh! The thought of sweet freedom for four days! Childcare, or should I say, the lack of childcare once again got the better of my well paid for plans. The loss of such freedom, combined with the events of this week and the loss of being connected, is exceptionally bitter.

A rough day.

The ABCs...2 year old style.

2010-08-04T18:58:00.004-04:00

So, Shaelyn loves being taped on my phone. It's her favorite thing besides pickles and black olives and rice. We made a few videos today...this one is her singing the ABCs. Sort of. She was trying to keep smiling and singing at the same time....didn't work out all that well. She also gives new meaning to the phrase "Hit it, sister!"

Get Back Up.

2010-08-03T21:05:00.002-04:00

Nevermind the weird graphics and delayed text....it's a great song, despite the fact he says "gonna" a lot.

Peace.

2010-08-03T08:57:00.002-04:00

I've had 2 people in 3 days send me this verse and thought it only right to pass it along.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid."
~John 14:27

May it bring you peace on this busy Tuesday...

On A Whim. (aka My Brilliant Impulsiveness)

2010-08-02T16:34:00.002-04:00

As I was washing the cat in the sink with lemon fresh hand soap in the three minutes it was going to take to heat water for the kids' lunch, a few things dawned on me...

1. I'm impulsive.
2. I manage to cram a lot of little tasks in between the big ones.
And 3....bathing the cat in the sink is not a good idea unless you're prepared with things like leather falcon training gloves, bandages, antiseptic cream and a plethora of towels.

Let that serve as fair warning in case you ever feel inclined to bathe your cat...especially if he has claws. Sharp claws.

Anyway, I started thinking about other impulsive things that I've done that might help to serve as warning to you. After all, if you're reading this, the very least I can do is provide you with practical advice. So, grab some lemon water or a cup of coffee and learn from my mistakes...

1. Painting the living room stoplight yellow as a surprise for your spouse is not always a good idea. It's best to stop when 3/4 of one wall is done and just apologize profusely.

2. Rearranging the furniture in your house just because you're bored...will leave you with more work than you wanted. Guaranteed.

3. While it may seem like a good idea to start putting things aside for a yard sale, unless you're actually going to HAVE said yard sale, it's best just to leave the junk in the closet.

4. Starting to place an order online 5 minutes before you need to leave to go somewhere is a sure guarantee that the site will freeze...as it's processing your credit card.

And those are my gems for the day. I'm sure I'll think of more later...it's a given.

Let.

2010-08-01T16:07:00.004-04:00

I like to be in control of things. It's true, and probably not much of a shocker to those of you who have known me for longer than 5 minutes. I like to plan and strategize and accomplish. That's not bad, but I often forget to just LET God use me.

Today's sermon really hit home. We talked about how we're always rushing and planning to do things FOR God, like Martha did when Jesus was visiting her and Mary. She was so busy trying to make dinner that she got annoyed that Mary was just sitting and listening and not helping her. When she asked Jesus to tell Mary to help her, he said that Mary was making the better choice. Martha was being practical. After all, they had to eat, but being practical cost her the wiser path.

I'm pretty certain that Jesus would have fed everyone dinner Himself if Martha had chosen to just sit and be with Him. After 5000, this small dinner party would have been a breeze.

If Martha would have LET Him take care of her, He would have. The Bible tells us that over and over again. If we LET God in and LET Him use us to accomplish His work, life is simple. Uncomplicated. Far from anxious....

But LETTING God be in control is difficult. At least for me - most of the time. It goes against the practical side of my nature. But, I think I need to be less like Martha and more like Mary.

I downloaded an app for my iPhone - BridgeFM - it's a Christian music station. I heard the song "God is in Control" today and it made me pause. Because while I firmly believe that God can and wants to use my life, I do NOT believe that He controls this world. The Bible tells us that Satan does. So, to send the message that God controls everything we do and our paths are predestined, is just not Biblically accurate. Nor does it make sense.

What's one of the first things we learn as young children in the church? That God is love, right? Love does not cause disease and heartache and tragedy. Love heals those things. God is in those moments when you're at your weakest, but He doesn't cause them. He doesn't put you through misery to "learn a lesson." But He's there with you, fighting for you, when those times come. It's a powerful distinction.

So, you have a choice, I have a choice. Do you let God use you where you are and accomplish His work with a joyful heart? Or do you rebel against it? Should you try new opportunities or go after positions as they come up? I believe so, but I think it's also important to remember that it's not whether or not those things come to pass that matters. What matters is that you tackle them for the right reasons and LET His grace fill you no matter how things turn out.

Until We Meet Again.

2010-08-01T09:21:00.001-04:00

Frances passed away this morning at 3:30am. God bless her.

You Make Me Smile.

2010-07-31T22:03:00.004-04:00

A new favorite song that makes me think of all who make me smile...(plus, the cars in the parade rock.)

Remember Me.

2010-07-31T15:26:00.006-04:00

Going back to the nursing home these last few days has been eye opening in a lot of ways. I knew I adored the residents, but I didn't quite know what my impact on them was. The thing with Alzheimer's and dementia is that, for the most part, the person is still there. They just can't remember. They've lost bits and pieces, and over time those small parts become chunks and entire memories. So, I wasn't surprised, or hurt in even the smallest bit, when those who I used to have long conversations with didn't know me this week.

They may not know me, but I know them. And I can tell their stories for them and remember. And I've found that sometimes, when I talk with them about what I know about their lives, they look at me differently and there's a spark of memory. Whether it's a memory of me or a memory of their past doesn't really matter. Because, for that moment, they have another piece of the puzzle. That's the good stuff.

Of course, there are also those who do remember and beg me every single time they see me to come back to work there. And I would. For them. Because while I may bring them joy, they give it back to me a hundred times over. It's an honor to be loved by them.

There are those crazy, poignant, funny moments too...

Mr. P: "Well, hello there! I saw you were giving out kisses, did you happen to save one for me?"
Me: "Of course, but what will your wife say?"
Mr. P...with a wink: "I won't tell if you won't!"

Mrs. D: "So, are you coming back to work now? We need you, you know."
Me: "No, I'm so sorry. But I will keep coming back to visit!"
Mrs. D: "Well, you'd better not come visit me and get too close to my closet."
Me: "And why is that?"
Mrs. D: "Because if you do I'm going to stuff you in it so you'll have to stay."
(Keep in mind this woman weighs about 80 lbs soaking wet and is about 4'5".)

Mrs. H: "Do I know you?"
Me: "Oh yes, I used to help take care of you and we'd talk for a long time every night."
Mrs. H: "I'm sorry I don't remember you, you look like someone I'd like to talk with."

Mr. T: "Well, hot diggety dog! Look at you, pretty girl! Want to go get married?"
Me: "I think my husband might be a little upset if we did that."
Mr. T: "Husband-schmusband! You should have just waited to marry me!"

Laughter keeps them going. Love keeps them going. Connections to others keep them going. Somethings in life never change.

The Difference

2010-07-30T19:08:00.002-04:00

Someone asked me what the difference is between writing for work and writing for myself. When I stop to think about it, there are some huge differences, but putting some of the most important ones into words is a lot more challenging than I thought it would be.

But that's also part of the pleasure of writing just for me and for you, and not for work.

My first reaction was to say that the difference is that personal writing is fun, but honestly, I absolutely love the writing I do. I love writing articles and posts that give people new ideas and help them deal with situations in their classrooms. It's fun to do that. And humbling. And a huge responsibility to nurture the customer-based community of a wonderful company. It's writing with a specific purpose.

And I think that's where the difference lies.

This...this type of writing, is so free form that anything goes. A deep, introspective post one day can easily be followed by a lighthearted one the next and vice versa. There's no pressure. And really, when I write here, I know others may be reading, but it's done more as self-reflection than it is to change lives. This is me. Slightly edited, but me.

Work writing is me in disguise. And isn't that how it should be? Shouldn't there be a separation between work and home? Are you as uninhibited at work as you are at home? Probably not. And that's probably a very good thing. Work is work. And this, to me, is not work.

I also like writing contractions. It's a flaw in work writing, but here, anything goes. I can write "don't" and "can't" and "haven't" and "shouldn't" and "wouldn't" until my fingers fall off and no one cares. And that's nice.

Maybe the biggest difference though is that here I can show you my snarky humor in all its glory. Work writing isn't so conducive to that. In fact, snarky humor and work writing are two things that will never go together or I'll be sitting here with my snarky humor and not much else. That's the way it should be though.

So, enjoy this for what it's worth. Unlimited snarky humor and contractions are yours free of charge. Lucky you.

Frances.

2010-07-29T16:36:00.004-04:00

I want to introduce you to someone. Her name is Frances. She is funny, intelligent and has a soul that's filled with live and laughter. She has been married twice and has buried both of her husbands much too young in life. But I'm getting ahead of myself....

She grew up in Illinois, one of many children. Her youngest brother died at the age of 7 after cutting his leg on a rusty spring. Medicine wasn't what it is today, and they couldn't cure the poison that seeped into his blood. Her mom never really recovered from that, but how could any mom, really?

Frances was a star student, and was much more progressive than most young women her age. She took care of her sisters and helped on her family farm as best as she could. She took a job as a secretary and was a whirlwind in the office. She jokes that she had them whipped into shape in no time.

After that she ended up in Washington, DC with a job in the CIA. That's where she met her first husband. He was brilliant, an aeronautical engineer who fell in love with her just as quickly as she fell in love with him. They had a son - born on her 40th birthday. Not too long after, her husband was killed in a helicopter crash near their home in Arizona.

So, she went back to school. She earned her degree in education so that she could teach while her son was in school and so she could get him free tuition in one of the most prestiges private schools in Arizona. She must have been a force to be reckoned with!

She met her second husband, a successful barber, and they married. Another marriage filled with love and companionship. But he died suddenly of a heart attack and she was once again alone.

Never one to feel sorry for herself, she busied herself with her community and neighbors.

I came to know Frances 3 years ago when I started working at the nursing home. She's spunky and fiery and the kindest woman you will ever meet. I've adopted her just as she's adopted me.

And so, today, I sit here at her bedside typing to you...telling you about this woman who is so dear to me....and she's laboring for breath, and close to returning home to God. Today, I am the family. Today, she is my loved one.

I'm reminded again of how important good work is. I'm reminded that kindness and love, no matter what the risks of loving may be, are truly what matters. Power, prestige, fancy houses, fancy cars, and all earthly things we work so hard to have play no part in our last moments on this earth.

And I'm reminded that love finds us in the strangest places and changes us forever. Love for friends, love for family, love for God. That's what matters.

Will Frances make it through the night? I don't know. But I will stay until I have to go and return in the morning. It's the least I can do. But it's an honor to do it.

UPDATE 7/30/10: Frances' health has declined even more today. I spent an hour with her this afternoon and she didn't stir even once. Please continue to keep her in your prayers.

I Laugh Because It's Funny (and oh so wrong)

2010-07-29T11:36:00.000-04:00

This gem of a clip comes via a friend who shall remain nameless, but not forgotten. In fact, every time I watch the clip I think, "He is one sick guy." Which is precisely why we get along so well. Enjoy!

Honestly, this video makes me cry. Cry laughing.
Every.
Single.
Time.
I.
Watch.
It.

Family Photos from Ocean City

2010-07-28T22:46:00.005-04:00

We went to Ocean City, NJ in June for our first official family-of-5 vacation. To say it was a blast doesn't even begin to describe it. It was, hands-down, THE best vacation we've ever had. Thankfully, we had scheduled a family photo shoot on the beach with Nathan Lawrenson, who just happened to be vacationing in Ocean City at the same time. Here are some of my favorite pictures...

You can see more pictures from our trip on Nathan's Facebook page HERE. Please ignore the one where it looks like I have 9 chins. It is, quite obviously, my least favorite of all the ones that were taken.

Confessions of a Gym Mama

Life Has Been Okay.

RIP Sweet Snickers

The Challenge.

Intervention, Support, Mid-Terms, and Driving.

Focus.

A Little Bit.

And We Lose Another One.

Thank You.

Lyrics. A Refresher.

Bleh.

*Warning: This is NOT going to be a happy post.*

Disney, Checking In, and Blogging - The Trifecta of Perfectness

Welcome Wisteria.

Unusual Victory.

Miserable. Not.

Apparently, Spring Stirs Me Up.

This Week Was Crappy, But.....

Freaky Tooth Fairy.

Elusive.

Catch Up. Not Ketchup.

Extended Family. It's Peculiar.

Go Easy.

GiveBack.org AKA My New Excuse to Shop Online.

Unexpected Kindness. And a Deep Breath.

Indecision aka A Surefire Way to Tick People Off.

Traditions. Some New. Some Old.

Exciting!

The Kids Are Sick.

A Request.

Related articles - These are from that blog enhancement tool I mentioned a few weeks ago. Normally, I wouldn't include them, but this woman's blog post was too perfect not to. Enjoy!

A Gift.

Sweet Memories.

My Secret Life.

Ping and Things.

Colds, Math & Llama Scarves.

Rainy Days and Brownies.

First Time.

Being Brave.

A Review.

GNO.

Done.

Things That Really Tick Me Off.

Anticipation.

Things I am and things I am not.

Burden, Exhaustion & Forgiveness.

Twitter.

My 5 Picks for Monday.

Awesomeness

It Is.

My Secret Indulgences

Santa-ette Promised.

6 Minutes Until 10.

Sick Kids, Great Ideas & My Father's Pocket Frogs

My Bad Habit.

It's the Little Things.

Friday Update - That's Almost on Saturday

Official Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream Testing Date

Prayer.

Random Facts

Memories

Things That Bother My Children.

Joy is...

A Busy Week

Telling.

A Game Called WWF.

Elusive Peace.

Need vs. Needy.

Electric, Food, and Sleep. In That Order.

A Day. Or Maybe Not.

Indulgence.

The 'rents.

Mom Gone Wild.

What I Need.

Pictures. I'm Trying.

A Swedish Proverb.

Some Useless Stuff (with a dash of humor on the side).

Irony.

Jinxed.

Just an Everyday Kind of Weekend.

Warning: This is NOT going to be a happy post.