I grew up in a great family. There was always a lot of laughter and more than enough love to go around. I don't think I quite realized at the time what a blessing that it was, but now I realize what a super big blessing it was...it is. So, because I have a few minutes, I thought I'd share some of the moments that I remember. It may also explain my sense of humor.
Once, when I was 12 or 13, we went with my dad on a business trip to Torrance, California. We had a lot of fun doing sightseeing things while my dad worked and it was just a great, happy vacation. Until the last night. We went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant...I can still see it in my mind...and for some reason I got the giggles. I wasn't loud, I was just sitting there giggling to myself....just because I was happy. Well, my dad was none too pleased by this abnormal giggling. "Why are you laughing?! Stop laughing right now!" The more upset he got, the more I laughed. I couldn't help myself. It was just funny. Well, he was so ticked that he didn't talk to me the entire next day....including the flight home. It's one of those moments that we still bring up, much to his dismay, and laugh over quite hysterically.
When we were kids and my dad was a patrolman, he did a lot of midnight shifts. Well, he'd bring home all sorts of things...including monkey brains. Not real monkey brains, but my brother and I didn't know that. They're the fruit from some weird tree here and they actually look like small brains. Hence, monkey brains. It warped me from an early age.
We went on a trip one year with my dad's parents to Gettysburg. We were oohing and aahing as we drove through town and all of a sudden my grandmother says, "Hey, look! A donut shop!" Out of everything we could possibly see in Gettysburg, she points out the donut shop. Apparently, my daughter takes after her.
I had about ten billion hamsters. And I think they were all named Buttercup.
When I graduated college I thought it would be such fun to get a small parrot. We had had parrots growing up and I was a big fan of birds. Until I got this one. Sunny, the Sun Conure. Who just happened to HATE women. Seriously despised. He was devil spawn, I tell you. Anyway, one morning as I was getting ready to go to work teaching kindergarten, I tried to pick him up to get him back in his cage. Well, Sunny wanted no part of this and leaped from the cage and attached himself firmly to my left nostril. One half of the beak inside my nose, one half outside. I couldn't get the little s**t off to save my life. (I still have strong feelings of animosity toward this bird, can you tell?!) Finally, I pried him off and had to go to work with a bandaid on my nose while applying an ice pack. Try explaining that to a group of 5 year olds. Sunny was so aggressive toward me that if Dan and I were sitting on the sofa, the bird would jump off Dan's shoulder, run across the back of the sofa to bite me, and then run back to Dan. Seriously. Devil spawn, I tell you.
And now, I'm off to watch Mall Cop. Because I can.
xoxoxoxo to you all. =)
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Things That Bother My Children.
I cant help it, I'm a mom and you're just going to have to put up with my snippets of conversation with my kids. Or you don't. Really, it's your call and that's fine either way. But these gems are the quirky things that bother my kids and make them uniquely themselves. And they make me laugh...not out loud at the kids of course, but inside where they can't hear the chuckles. (Don't tell Dan, because I am certain there's some sort of mental health diagnosis for that.)
Ready?
- Belly shirts. Hugely disturbing to the boys that their sister can wear a shirt that doesn't cover her bellybutton. They insisted that daddy had dressed her in clothes that don't fit....again. When an explanation was attempted, the 6 year old put his hand up and said, "Stop, just stop. I don't care what you say about them, I find those shirts highly inappropriate and disturbing. And also, I'm very glad boys don't have to wear them." Point taken.
- Food that may or may not have been touched, breathed on or looked at by someone else. If they don't know for sure, they're not touching it. Except for the toddler....she'll grab the food right off your plate and run away squealing with laughter. She has issues, apparently.
- Skip counting songs. Drives them up the wall. "That song is like torture to my ears."
- Dog eye boogies. Okay, really, they gross me out too.
- Chocolate milk that isn't chocolatey enough. "Why should I even bother drinking it? It just looks and tastes like milk that someone didn't care enough about to give it the chocolate attention it needed." Sometimes I just have no words after they come out with things like that.
- Naps. Forget it, unless they've been running for the last three hours, there is no way they're going to sleep. And that includes the toddler these days....gosh darn it.
- Being too hot/being too cold. One son wears shorts all year long...even when we had Snowmageddon in February...he was wearing shorts inside. One son wears hooded sweatshirts and sweatpants as soon as the temperature drops below 80. The toddler just wants to wear what she wants.
And there's more for some other time, but I'm exhausted and have to make 4 dozen muffins at 6am. Oy.
Ready?
- Belly shirts. Hugely disturbing to the boys that their sister can wear a shirt that doesn't cover her bellybutton. They insisted that daddy had dressed her in clothes that don't fit....again. When an explanation was attempted, the 6 year old put his hand up and said, "Stop, just stop. I don't care what you say about them, I find those shirts highly inappropriate and disturbing. And also, I'm very glad boys don't have to wear them." Point taken.
- Food that may or may not have been touched, breathed on or looked at by someone else. If they don't know for sure, they're not touching it. Except for the toddler....she'll grab the food right off your plate and run away squealing with laughter. She has issues, apparently.
- Skip counting songs. Drives them up the wall. "That song is like torture to my ears."
- Dog eye boogies. Okay, really, they gross me out too.
- Chocolate milk that isn't chocolatey enough. "Why should I even bother drinking it? It just looks and tastes like milk that someone didn't care enough about to give it the chocolate attention it needed." Sometimes I just have no words after they come out with things like that.
- Naps. Forget it, unless they've been running for the last three hours, there is no way they're going to sleep. And that includes the toddler these days....gosh darn it.
- Being too hot/being too cold. One son wears shorts all year long...even when we had Snowmageddon in February...he was wearing shorts inside. One son wears hooded sweatshirts and sweatpants as soon as the temperature drops below 80. The toddler just wants to wear what she wants.
And there's more for some other time, but I'm exhausted and have to make 4 dozen muffins at 6am. Oy.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
A Day. Or Maybe Not.
When half of the house's electricity was out this morning and the coffee pot outlet was affected, I knew it was going to be A Day. Added to the fact that I came down with a fever last night and have felt rotten all day, the lack of a call back from the electrician and no power to the microwave just compounded the issue.
However, there were definitely some funny moments...
like when my mom excitedly pointed out a Trifecta of Geek Squad vehicles in the Best Buy parking lot. See the flickr thumbnail to the right or click on my flickr page for a larger view. Anyway, a Trifecta. Pointed out by my mother. That, in and of itself, was hysterical. The fact that there was a Geek Squad truck parked next to a Geek Squad van parked next to a Geek Squad Beetle was also enough to dissolve me into laughter. If only you could have seen us....driving around trying to get a shot of the Geek Squad vehicles for you. Seriously funny.
And then when we were driving home the boys kept teasing that the truck two cars in front of us had dead animals in the back. My mother and I, being the practical women we are and knowing that no one in their right mind would be driving around town with dead animals in the back of their truck, said, "Boys, don't say another word. That's not nice and I don't like how you're talking." That is, until we got closer to the truck and saw that the enormous piles of stuff in the back were actually GIANT dead animals. We're still not sure if they were deer or cattle....or some mutant species. You can check out the flickr thumbnail for that one too. In fact, enlarge it and let me know what you think they are. My mom tried very hard to snap a shot as we were driving, but the car in front of us wouldn't get out of our way. We contemplated, okay I contemplated, following it around until we could get a good shot for you, but there was milk in the car. Maybe next time. Because those things happen so frequently around here, you see. No, not really. Thank heavens.
And despite me being sick and not having coffee with cream (blech), the kids were really amusing. That's worth its weight in gold.
And then there were some really awesome moments....
like when Dan came home tonight and brought me medicine and water, because my temperature was almost 101. That's good. And much needed.
And then a friend sent me a Bible verse....Matthew 11:28. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I can't even begin to tell you how absolutely perfect that verse was tonight. I think sometimes I'm so assured that I'll find the right verse that I forget that God puts other people in my life to share them with me too. Tonight was a good reminder of that. So, thank you, friend-who-shall-remain-nameless, but you know who you are.
And finally, a good conversation and connection with an old friend who definitely cheered me up and made me laugh. It was most excellent.
So, as I sit, yawning over the fact that I am still not done working at 12:30 in the morning and that a 6 year old has taken over my half of the bed already, I can't help but think that the day ended on a very nice and much needed note. Thanks to all who participated.
However, there were definitely some funny moments...
like when my mom excitedly pointed out a Trifecta of Geek Squad vehicles in the Best Buy parking lot. See the flickr thumbnail to the right or click on my flickr page for a larger view. Anyway, a Trifecta. Pointed out by my mother. That, in and of itself, was hysterical. The fact that there was a Geek Squad truck parked next to a Geek Squad van parked next to a Geek Squad Beetle was also enough to dissolve me into laughter. If only you could have seen us....driving around trying to get a shot of the Geek Squad vehicles for you. Seriously funny.
And then when we were driving home the boys kept teasing that the truck two cars in front of us had dead animals in the back. My mother and I, being the practical women we are and knowing that no one in their right mind would be driving around town with dead animals in the back of their truck, said, "Boys, don't say another word. That's not nice and I don't like how you're talking." That is, until we got closer to the truck and saw that the enormous piles of stuff in the back were actually GIANT dead animals. We're still not sure if they were deer or cattle....or some mutant species. You can check out the flickr thumbnail for that one too. In fact, enlarge it and let me know what you think they are. My mom tried very hard to snap a shot as we were driving, but the car in front of us wouldn't get out of our way. We contemplated, okay I contemplated, following it around until we could get a good shot for you, but there was milk in the car. Maybe next time. Because those things happen so frequently around here, you see. No, not really. Thank heavens.
And despite me being sick and not having coffee with cream (blech), the kids were really amusing. That's worth its weight in gold.
And then there were some really awesome moments....
like when Dan came home tonight and brought me medicine and water, because my temperature was almost 101. That's good. And much needed.
And then a friend sent me a Bible verse....Matthew 11:28. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." I can't even begin to tell you how absolutely perfect that verse was tonight. I think sometimes I'm so assured that I'll find the right verse that I forget that God puts other people in my life to share them with me too. Tonight was a good reminder of that. So, thank you, friend-who-shall-remain-nameless, but you know who you are.
And finally, a good conversation and connection with an old friend who definitely cheered me up and made me laugh. It was most excellent.
So, as I sit, yawning over the fact that I am still not done working at 12:30 in the morning and that a 6 year old has taken over my half of the bed already, I can't help but think that the day ended on a very nice and much needed note. Thanks to all who participated.
Friday, August 20, 2010
What I Need.
Another stressful, sleepless week is over (or just about) and as I sit staring blankly at the to-do list that's a mile long for next week, I'm beginning to think about the things I need. Okay, the things I really want. Alright let's not mince words, the things I would love to have if I wasn't dreaming. Of course, I've decided to share. Lucky you.
1. A quiet vacation. Alone. At the beach.
Like I said in the above disclaimer, this I know, is a dream of gargantuan proportions. However, I may be able to accomplish the last part, only with 3 kids and a husband in tow. For some reason, I just don't think that's going to have the same effect.
2. A massage by someone who is not wildly hot, 22 years old and named Sven.
That says massage, not message. Although a message or a massage would both be lovely. I may reconsider the Sven part if he's got really good hands and is blind. Just sayin'.
3. A good book.
Something that I can sink into and get lost in for days. Preferably on said dream number one.
4. A long soak in a hot tub.
While at dream one and after dream two with dream three in hand.
5. Cupcakes.
Enough said.
6. Sleep. Uninterrupted.
Like I said, these are dreams.
And that is all.
Donations are welcome to the "save my sanity" fund at any time. Please send them in the form of cup cakes...or an all-inclusive vacation package with airfare. (Hey, it doesn't hurt to put that...you never know...Sandals or Betty Crocker could be reading this. Wave, wave! Pick me, pick me!)
1. A quiet vacation. Alone. At the beach.
Like I said in the above disclaimer, this I know, is a dream of gargantuan proportions. However, I may be able to accomplish the last part, only with 3 kids and a husband in tow. For some reason, I just don't think that's going to have the same effect.
2. A massage by someone who is not wildly hot, 22 years old and named Sven.
That says massage, not message. Although a message or a massage would both be lovely. I may reconsider the Sven part if he's got really good hands and is blind. Just sayin'.
3. A good book.
Something that I can sink into and get lost in for days. Preferably on said dream number one.
4. A long soak in a hot tub.
While at dream one and after dream two with dream three in hand.
5. Cupcakes.
Enough said.
6. Sleep. Uninterrupted.
Like I said, these are dreams.
And that is all.
Donations are welcome to the "save my sanity" fund at any time. Please send them in the form of cup cakes...or an all-inclusive vacation package with airfare. (Hey, it doesn't hurt to put that...you never know...Sandals or Betty Crocker could be reading this. Wave, wave! Pick me, pick me!)
Monday, August 2, 2010
On A Whim. (aka My Brilliant Impulsiveness)
As I was washing the cat in the sink with lemon fresh hand soap in the three minutes it was going to take to heat water for the kids' lunch, a few things dawned on me...
1. I'm impulsive.
2. I manage to cram a lot of little tasks in between the big ones.
And 3....bathing the cat in the sink is not a good idea unless you're prepared with things like leather falcon training gloves, bandages, antiseptic cream and a plethora of towels.
Let that serve as fair warning in case you ever feel inclined to bathe your cat...especially if he has claws. Sharp claws.
Anyway, I started thinking about other impulsive things that I've done that might help to serve as warning to you. After all, if you're reading this, the very least I can do is provide you with practical advice. So, grab some lemon water or a cup of coffee and learn from my mistakes...
1. Painting the living room stoplight yellow as a surprise for your spouse is not always a good idea. It's best to stop when 3/4 of one wall is done and just apologize profusely.
2. Rearranging the furniture in your house just because you're bored...will leave you with more work than you wanted. Guaranteed.
3. While it may seem like a good idea to start putting things aside for a yard sale, unless you're actually going to HAVE said yard sale, it's best just to leave the junk in the closet.
4. Starting to place an order online 5 minutes before you need to leave to go somewhere is a sure guarantee that the site will freeze...as it's processing your credit card.
And those are my gems for the day. I'm sure I'll think of more later...it's a given.
1. I'm impulsive.
2. I manage to cram a lot of little tasks in between the big ones.
And 3....bathing the cat in the sink is not a good idea unless you're prepared with things like leather falcon training gloves, bandages, antiseptic cream and a plethora of towels.
Let that serve as fair warning in case you ever feel inclined to bathe your cat...especially if he has claws. Sharp claws.
Anyway, I started thinking about other impulsive things that I've done that might help to serve as warning to you. After all, if you're reading this, the very least I can do is provide you with practical advice. So, grab some lemon water or a cup of coffee and learn from my mistakes...
1. Painting the living room stoplight yellow as a surprise for your spouse is not always a good idea. It's best to stop when 3/4 of one wall is done and just apologize profusely.
2. Rearranging the furniture in your house just because you're bored...will leave you with more work than you wanted. Guaranteed.
3. While it may seem like a good idea to start putting things aside for a yard sale, unless you're actually going to HAVE said yard sale, it's best just to leave the junk in the closet.
4. Starting to place an order online 5 minutes before you need to leave to go somewhere is a sure guarantee that the site will freeze...as it's processing your credit card.
And those are my gems for the day. I'm sure I'll think of more later...it's a given.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Remember Me.
Going back to the nursing home these last few days has been eye opening in a lot of ways. I knew I adored the residents, but I didn't quite know what my impact on them was. The thing with Alzheimer's and dementia is that, for the most part, the person is still there. They just can't remember. They've lost bits and pieces, and over time those small parts become chunks and entire memories. So, I wasn't surprised, or hurt in even the smallest bit, when those who I used to have long conversations with didn't know me this week.
They may not know me, but I know them. And I can tell their stories for them and remember. And I've found that sometimes, when I talk with them about what I know about their lives, they look at me differently and there's a spark of memory. Whether it's a memory of me or a memory of their past doesn't really matter. Because, for that moment, they have another piece of the puzzle. That's the good stuff.
Of course, there are also those who do remember and beg me every single time they see me to come back to work there. And I would. For them. Because while I may bring them joy, they give it back to me a hundred times over. It's an honor to be loved by them.
There are those crazy, poignant, funny moments too...
Mr. P: "Well, hello there! I saw you were giving out kisses, did you happen to save one for me?"
Me: "Of course, but what will your wife say?"
Mr. P...with a wink: "I won't tell if you won't!"
Mrs. D: "So, are you coming back to work now? We need you, you know."
Me: "No, I'm so sorry. But I will keep coming back to visit!"
Mrs. D: "Well, you'd better not come visit me and get too close to my closet."
Me: "And why is that?"
Mrs. D: "Because if you do I'm going to stuff you in it so you'll have to stay."
(Keep in mind this woman weighs about 80 lbs soaking wet and is about 4'5".)
Mrs. H: "Do I know you?"
Me: "Oh yes, I used to help take care of you and we'd talk for a long time every night."
Mrs. H: "I'm sorry I don't remember you, you look like someone I'd like to talk with."
Mr. T: "Well, hot diggety dog! Look at you, pretty girl! Want to go get married?"
Me: "I think my husband might be a little upset if we did that."
Mr. T: "Husband-schmusband! You should have just waited to marry me!"
Laughter keeps them going. Love keeps them going. Connections to others keep them going. Somethings in life never change.
They may not know me, but I know them. And I can tell their stories for them and remember. And I've found that sometimes, when I talk with them about what I know about their lives, they look at me differently and there's a spark of memory. Whether it's a memory of me or a memory of their past doesn't really matter. Because, for that moment, they have another piece of the puzzle. That's the good stuff.
Of course, there are also those who do remember and beg me every single time they see me to come back to work there. And I would. For them. Because while I may bring them joy, they give it back to me a hundred times over. It's an honor to be loved by them.
There are those crazy, poignant, funny moments too...
Mr. P: "Well, hello there! I saw you were giving out kisses, did you happen to save one for me?"
Me: "Of course, but what will your wife say?"
Mr. P...with a wink: "I won't tell if you won't!"
Mrs. D: "So, are you coming back to work now? We need you, you know."
Me: "No, I'm so sorry. But I will keep coming back to visit!"
Mrs. D: "Well, you'd better not come visit me and get too close to my closet."
Me: "And why is that?"
Mrs. D: "Because if you do I'm going to stuff you in it so you'll have to stay."
(Keep in mind this woman weighs about 80 lbs soaking wet and is about 4'5".)
Mrs. H: "Do I know you?"
Me: "Oh yes, I used to help take care of you and we'd talk for a long time every night."
Mrs. H: "I'm sorry I don't remember you, you look like someone I'd like to talk with."
Mr. T: "Well, hot diggety dog! Look at you, pretty girl! Want to go get married?"
Me: "I think my husband might be a little upset if we did that."
Mr. T: "Husband-schmusband! You should have just waited to marry me!"
Laughter keeps them going. Love keeps them going. Connections to others keep them going. Somethings in life never change.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I Laugh Because It's Funny (and oh so wrong)
This gem of a clip comes via a friend who shall remain nameless, but not forgotten. In fact, every time I watch the clip I think, "He is one sick guy." Which is precisely why we get along so well. Enjoy!
Honestly, this video makes me cry. Cry laughing.
Every.
Single.
Time.
I.
Watch.
It.
Honestly, this video makes me cry. Cry laughing.
Every.
Single.
Time.
I.
Watch.
It.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Updates Galore
You'd think that when you put up a bunch of updates to auto-update that they'd actually do said task and not just disappear. Apparently, I was mistaken.
So, faithful blog readers, I do apologize, because I thought you had been reading my updates and alas, no such updates have been posting. Please don't stop following. I love you all. Really. Even the snarky one who thinks he knows more about exercising than me. You know who you are, snarky man. Ha!
Let's see... the MS Walk was this past Sunday and Team Gym Mama raised well over $400. Go us! It was also nice to see and chat with two friends that I went to high school with who I haven't seen since high school. Seriously, I don't think we've changed that much at all. Which is actually a good thing.
Oh, and I got a new pair of headphones to work with my cell phone! Wahoo! Except that I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that they're just earphones. No microphone piece. Laugh all you want. Actually, it is pretty funny and I chuckle every time I think about it. So, we've decided, my mom and I that is, that we'll just put the phones on speakerphone. Like that shouldn't have been our first option, right? I luck out in the deal, because I'll be slaving away in the basement alone on the treadmill and she'll actually be out in the open. It's going to look like she's talking to herself. Poor mom. I suggested that maybe my dad could go with her. You know, drive alongside her drinking his coffee in the golf cart while she walks. Moral support; it's the foundation of their marriage.
Another big wahoo, because I was selected to be a columnist for HandmadeNews.org! I'll be posting in the "Just For Fun" section and now I'm having anxiety that I'm not anywhere near fun enough to be posting in a "fun" section. What's a girl to do? I'll let you know when I post articles so you can all zoom on over and read them. It will be the highlight of your day. Well, after reading my snarky humor here anyway. Oh, and more importantly, you'll be able to buy ad space on my page! That's a BIG wahoo! You don't need to be in the handmade community for ad space either. So, if you sell something like, oh I don't know, let's say pepper spray (*wink, wink* to the hometeam!), for example, you could post an ad! "Stay safe while doing craft shows - Tase 'Em!" See? This column will be a piece of cake.
I know there's more I had to share with you, but I have to head out to work. I'll ramble more tomorrow. Thanks for reading, and again, apologies for the missed days.
So, faithful blog readers, I do apologize, because I thought you had been reading my updates and alas, no such updates have been posting. Please don't stop following. I love you all. Really. Even the snarky one who thinks he knows more about exercising than me. You know who you are, snarky man. Ha!
Let's see... the MS Walk was this past Sunday and Team Gym Mama raised well over $400. Go us! It was also nice to see and chat with two friends that I went to high school with who I haven't seen since high school. Seriously, I don't think we've changed that much at all. Which is actually a good thing.
Oh, and I got a new pair of headphones to work with my cell phone! Wahoo! Except that I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that they're just earphones. No microphone piece. Laugh all you want. Actually, it is pretty funny and I chuckle every time I think about it. So, we've decided, my mom and I that is, that we'll just put the phones on speakerphone. Like that shouldn't have been our first option, right? I luck out in the deal, because I'll be slaving away in the basement alone on the treadmill and she'll actually be out in the open. It's going to look like she's talking to herself. Poor mom. I suggested that maybe my dad could go with her. You know, drive alongside her drinking his coffee in the golf cart while she walks. Moral support; it's the foundation of their marriage.
Another big wahoo, because I was selected to be a columnist for HandmadeNews.org! I'll be posting in the "Just For Fun" section and now I'm having anxiety that I'm not anywhere near fun enough to be posting in a "fun" section. What's a girl to do? I'll let you know when I post articles so you can all zoom on over and read them. It will be the highlight of your day. Well, after reading my snarky humor here anyway. Oh, and more importantly, you'll be able to buy ad space on my page! That's a BIG wahoo! You don't need to be in the handmade community for ad space either. So, if you sell something like, oh I don't know, let's say pepper spray (*wink, wink* to the hometeam!), for example, you could post an ad! "Stay safe while doing craft shows - Tase 'Em!" See? This column will be a piece of cake.
I know there's more I had to share with you, but I have to head out to work. I'll ramble more tomorrow. Thanks for reading, and again, apologies for the missed days.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Funnies From My Mom
My mom sent me an email this morning with some funnies that I just had to share. Hope you laugh! =)
Girl Wisdom
"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends."
"I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers."
"Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!'....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!"
Girl Wisdom
"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends."
"I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers."
"Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!'....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!"
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