Sunday, October 10, 2010

Burden, Exhaustion & Forgiveness.

I hate feeling like I'm a burden, or that my ideas or needs, are a burden to anyone. I would rather simply do something myself, without asking for help, than feel like I'm causing someone else to be inconvenienced. Even if they're not, if I feel like my request is too big, I feel bad for suggesting it or asking. And heaven forbid if I'm joking about something and then someone goes and does it. Oy. Makes me feel wretched. I also hate asking for help if I know someone is already busy to the point of overload. I don't want to be the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak.

I was thinking about this a lot this weekend as I helped run my church's children's consignment sale. I'd rather think that I could do it all myself than ask someone else to give up a lovely fall weekend to help. The result is exhaustion. Especially tonight. It's not even 8pm and I swear I could fall sound asleep at my desk and not wake for at least 12 hours.

Exhaustion leads me to say things I might regret and give the impression I'm not grateful for the help and support I receive. But, I'm very grateful. Grateful for those who consistently reach out, those who help lift me up when I can barely keep my head above water, and grateful that those same people forgive me when I have a hard time expressing what I'm feeling. Tonight, I feel I am in need of that forgiveness.

So, before I say more than I intend or trip over my words anymore, I'm off. May Monday be a day of peace and happiness for all of you.

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