Image via WikipediaHave you ever had a huge decision to make? One of those unexpected, but freaking crazy huge decisions that you just feel is a life changer? There are always two choices....at least two.
This week, for me, there were two choices. They both still hung in the balance until about 45 minutes ago. Why? Because I haven't been able to make up my mind. And, quite honestly, it's been killing me and ticking off the people around me. MAKE A DECISION ALREADY! How freakin' hard could it be?! Yeah, well, apparently, very hard.
I'm not going to spill the specifics, but here are the two main players: Greed and God.
Greed, not for wealth or fame, but for the challenge and instant success. Greed for a larger audience than I could ever even imagine having in any job I would do. For someone who works in social media and who knows, knows, KNOWS how hard it is to build a gigantically huge audience, wow, those unbelievably big numbers are HARD to walk away from. Crazy hard. Crazy hard, I've been flip-flopping for five days hard. Greed....God. Greed....God. Greed...
I prayed for guidance as soon as this decision came up. I prayed for wise counsel, sure signs and insight into how exactly I could succeed if I chose something other than the greed. I've been getting it alright. Heavens, how I have been getting it. The only thing that was lacking was insight on how the success was being wrought over on the greed side. How were those amazingly large, drool-worthy audience numbers even possible?! Guess what? He gave me the answer to that too. So, now I know. I know that the numbers are possible, how they're achieved, and that by sheer dumb luck the greed filled option blossomed.
Wise counsel. Check.
Sure signs. Check.
Stubborn as a mule me. Check.
Because, guess what? I was still not convinced.
So, He sent more wise counsel, more sure signs, more insight.....and some references to It's a Wonderful Life and geese that He was sure I'd get.
And I did. Even if I frustrated everyone in the process....I got it. Finally.
Even though I'm going to walk away from the instant audience, the instant drool-worthy fan interactions and engagement, I really have no choice. It's not up to me. I'll either fail (again) at something, or succeed. It's really all about stepping out in faith.
And I think the best part of choosing not to go with greed is that it's going to be a great example for my kids.....whether I succeed or fail. I can't be a great mom if I sacrifice them at the expense of a salary and profit sharing. Greed and greatness......true, soul-deep greatness don't go hand in hand.
If nothing else, I want my kids to look back at their childhood with happy memories. I want them to say I was a great mom. Because all it takes is one great mom to make a difference in the lives of her children, her family, her friends, and her community.
And as a post note to those who have poured out your heart and soul with counsel to me over the last few days....thank you. You'll never know how much your advice, research and insight has meant to me. Now, please....come help me soar.
I'm stepping out in faith.